Monday, July 30, 2007

Again on Literacy

This is a major theme in my life right now, and I'm planning on writing an essay on it. The more I talk to folks about it, the more I see it's a very common theme for all people of color--and probably for lots of white folks too, but here in California that history's a bit more obscured from my everyday experience.

But until I get started on that essay, here's an especially moving passage I just read from Toni Morrison's Song of Solomon on the same theme. This is from a conversation between twelve-year-old Macon Dead III and his father, the Junior, talking about what happened to Junior's father, Macon Dead Sr..

"'Pilate said somebody shot your father. Five feet into the air.'

'Took him sixteen years to get that farm to where it was paying. It's all dairy country up there now. Then it wasn't. Then it was...nice.'

"'Who shot him, Daddy?'"

"Macon focused his eyes on hs son. 'Papa couldn't read, couldn't even sign his name. Had a mark he used. They tricked him. He signed something, I don't know what, and they told him they owned his property. He never read nothing. I tried to teach hi, but he said he couldn't remember those little marks from one day to the next. Wrote one word in his life--Pilate's name; copied from the Bible. That's what she got folded up in that earring. He should have let me teach him. Everything bad that ever happened to him happened because he couldn't read. Got his name messed up cause he couldn't read.'

'His name? How?'

'When freedom came. All the colored people in the state had to register with the Freedman's Bureau.'

'Your father was a slave?'

'What kind of foolish question is that? Course he was. Who hadn't been in 1869? They all had to register. Free and not free. Free and used-to-be-slaves. Papa was in his teens and went to sign up, but the man behind the desk was drunk. He asked Papa where he was born. Papa said Macon. Then he asked him who his father was. Papa said, 'He's dead.' Asked him who owned him, Papa said, 'I'm free.' Well, the Yankee wrote it all down, but in the wrong spaces. Had him born in Dunfrie, wherever the hell that is, and in the space for his name the fool wrote, 'Dead' comma 'Macon.' But Papa couldn't read so he never found out what he was registered as till Mama told him. They met on a wagon going North. Started talking about one thing and another, told her about being a freedman and showed off his papers to her. When she looked at his paper she read him out what it said.'

'He didn't have to keep the name, did he? He could have used his real name, couldn't he?'

'Mama liked it. Liked the name. Said it was new and would wipe out the past. Wipe it all out.'"

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Need to get off my butt and two cool pics

I've been in a serious procrastinating funk. Not about life in general--I've definitely been writing more, which is great, and reading more, which is good too--but about specific things, like cleaning my house, filing my taxes (I know, I know, it's bad), staying on top of my bills, etc.

Maybe it's because that stuff feels like real work and my writing (at least right now) feels more fun. I'm trying to ride the wave of actually feeling motivated to write. I'm nearly done with my first real draft of a short story that I'm hoping to submit to this. Just emailed Mel, Denea and Ricardo (from my 2005 VONA novel workshop) to see if they can give me some good critique/feedback on it so I can do more work on the rewrites.

Had brunch last weekend with the always-delightful (and I don't use that word very much) Max Elbaum and his partner Ellen, who are always so supportive of my writing work and are just good people all around. They really helped me feel more grounded and secure in this vision of my life as a writing life, which can still be a political life. We talked about how I'm lucky that the two career paths that I have before me right now--fundraising and writing--are both things that hold a lot of promise and opportunity. One is more immediately lucrative than the other (and if you can't figure out which path this is then you're probably an alien from another planet or a corporate person), but it's nice to know that I have a choice.

Speaking of the writing life, here's one of its perks: meeting your writing idols and getting to take pictures with them. That's Jessica Hagedorn with me (second from left), Mel and Patty (the Pinay crew in our VONA workshop), and me with the rest of the VONA novelistas and our teacher, Chris Abani.


Photo by Patricia Justine Tumang


Photo by Ibarionex Perello

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Recent Adds I Wanna Highlight

Slowly but surely been adding new folks' blogs to my blogroll...including:

Favianna Rodriguez, activist-artist and business woman extraordinarie (my kinda gal!) who helps operate Tumi's, where my partner H. works now.

Baguio, Philippines native Frank Cimatu's Pine for Pine. I don't know Frank but I liked Baguio and I like his blog, so there it is.

My friend and former co-worker Jeremy Smith's teamblog, the Daddy Dialectic, a cool forum for men who are new fathers but longtime activists to talk about the challenges and joys of daddyhood in the early 21st century.

Ludovic Blain III, a new-ish friend / movement buddy who's into so many different things it's hard to keep track. From electoral politics to Garifuna and lots of other kinds of music to environmental justice to philanthropy, he's got it covered.

Enjoy the musings and weird antics of my friends in the blogosphere! ;)

Peace,
Rona

Friday, July 20, 2007

It's a Small Start

As someone who's worked for or been involved with progressive, grassroots organizing groups for the past ten years, I know that sending random letters like this won't solve alll our social problems, but it's a start. And it makes me feel better. And hopefully someone in Dellums' office will respond to me and tell me what resources the City of Oakland already has to prepare its residents for the next Big Earthquake.

I encourage you all to write similar letters to your city council representatives, to Dellums, etc. And soon I"ll try to pull folks together for a more organized effort to prepare ourselves and our beloved City.

emailed to: officeofthemayor@oaklandnet.com

Dear Mayor Dellums-
Let me first say that I am pleased and proud of your actions regarding the current Waste Management lockout of our garbage workers. I know that your efforts and those of other stakeholders will ensure that everyone in our city regardless of income level, race or neighborhood will receive the garbage pickup service we are entitled to.

I am writing to you because I know that one of the reasons you ran for Mayor of Oakland was because you wanted to 'save' Oakland from the fate that the great city of New Orleans faced in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina--to save our city from the inevitable fate that, as a 'minority majority', largely African-
American city, Oakland would someday end up struggling to survive after a huge natural disaster.

The small but still shocking earthquake last night at 4:42am was just one of Mother Nature's reminders to us that we have a long way to go to ensure that Oakland is prepared for 'The Big One'--the 7.0+ earthquake that is predicted to hit the Hayward Fault sometime over the next 30 years.

It's clear to me that Oakland--although we may have some important resources to prepare our residents for this disaster--is far from being ready to potentially shelter, feed, and provide medical care for thousands of injured people if a large quake does strike. Oaklanders are a resourceful and community-oriented folk; if we weren't we wouldn't have been able to elect you our Mayor. But we need the resources, strategic thinking, infrastructure and coordination of our City government to take us from being good neighbors to each other to being able to take care of each other when the next big disaster strikes.

I don't want to stand aside and wait until the Big One happens for us to find out that our City can't take care of its people. And I hope that you don't want to wait either. Disaster preparedness should be a major priority of your administration, for being prepared is all we can do to protect ourselves against the potential loss of many hundreds or even thousands of lives during a major temblor.

Please let me know if there are city- or regional-government initiated efforts to address our city's preparedness. I am willing to organize in my neighborhood and beyond to help make sure that Oaklanders have the infrastructure we need to survive the Big One.

Sincerely,
Rona Fernandez
Oakland, California

That Wasn't No 4.2 Quake!

But alas, it was. The USGS says the reason it felt so strong was that it was centered closer to the surface (not in the deep depths of the very active Hayward Fault.

The temblor jolted me awake, made my heart thump like a running bunny's, and prompted H. to urgently whisper, "Let's go!" He forgot that doorways aren't really safe places during earthquakes. If you're in bed during an earthquake you're supposed to stay there and cover your head with a pillow in case shit starts falling down on you. Makes sense.

These smallish quakes are nice, fairly gentle reminders from our all-powerful Mother Earth that we need to get prepared for 'The Big One', children, and I for one am not going to be one to stand around (especially after what we've seen happen to New Orleans and the Gulf Coast after Hurricane Katrina) and watch Oakland be ignored after a major catastrophe strikes. Which is what will happen unless Mayor Dellums and other powerful Oaklanders (and people like me) don't get together to prepare ourselves for the inevitable. San Francisco and Berkeley are both way too prominent socially, politically and economically to NOT draw resources and media attention from Oakland, where the damage will be just as great if not greater when the Hayward Fault ruptures someday.

So let's get a campaign started, people. Let's get Oakland ready for the Big One. Gimme a holla if you're down for the cause.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Following the Process

I keep saying I'm going to blog about this and keep forgetting. So here goes. In our VONA novel workshop, Chris Abani gave us this 'homework' for after the (very intense) workshop:

1. Put your novel away for one month. Don't read it, look at it, or start rewriting it.
2. During this month, read novels, watch television and movies. Absorb and study everything you can about storytelling. (Chris promised us reading list(s) in August, but told me in the meantime I should read James Baldwin's "Giovanni's Room" which I am about half-way through now).
3. After one month, STILL don't look at your novel, but rewrite (from memory) the first 60 pages of your novel, longhand. Yes, longhand.

He said we'd be amazed at what we came out with at the end (in the longhand 60 pages). That by this time we woud've sliced away / forgotten all the unnecessary stuff and be left with the raw, nerve-hitting, essential stuff of the novel. I'm pretty sure that me and all the other women that were in Chris' class are going to try it. We'll see how it goes. I for one am enjoying having permission to not work on my novel for a month! But Chris says that research, and reading other novels, and watching TV and movies, etc. is all part of the process too. (And I am working on a short story that is completely separate from the novel, so I'm still writing, which is good).

Friday, July 13, 2007

Needing a Change

Not sure what kind of change, but I feel that this most recent VONA experience has left me (once again), a different person. I feel a much stronger pull to my writing now, now that I've been validated as a writer by two accomplished, published writers whom I respect and admire, the fierce, funny and multi-genre diva Jessica Hagedorn, and the equally fierce, brilliant and generous Chris Abani.

I've heard this from other writers before, that there were writers that came before them that they felt gave them 'permission' to write. Natalie Goldberg writes about this, I forget in which book. For me, this 'permission' came in the form of both Chris and Jessica telling me (and the other students in our workshops) that we are writers, and in them treating both of us as adults, giving us lots of good criticism and not as much praise, which is what I feel like I really needed to believe that I have the writing ability and talent to make a go of it in a more concerted, systematic way.

I'm actually writing this right now from a Holiday Inn room in Louisville, Kentucky, where I'm attending a conference for work. While the people here are quite open and welcoming and the content of the conference is interesting, after being at VONA the last couple weeks it just pales in comparison to that vibrant, provocative community of writers and artists.

I've been scanning the 'Conferences and Residences' section of Poets and Writers, and even had a talk with H. the other night about how, since he's working more steadily now at his job at Tumi's, maybe I can start making a plan, in the next couple years, to work less and write more. It's a scary thought to me, and one I need to mull over carefully. Obviously, I also need to talk to my job about this, but they also know I'm a writer and that this is important to me.

I just need more time to write. Even here, alone in my hotel room, I feel a peace and an openness to the act of writing that I haven't felt since my time at VONA. I can understand now why some people just really need to go away to write. I just need the time.

So I took some time tonite to work on a short story I started a while back, involving a bit of time travel and political commentary. Thinking of submitting it to an anthology of Philippine speculative fiction that Dean Alfar is editing. Wish me luck!

Monday, July 09, 2007

Some things

Just added a bunch of new people to my blogroll:

Jason Guillermo Luz, an old friend from Cal, who also just recently returned from a trip to the Philippines and Southeast Asia.

LA Foto Boy aka Ibarionex Perello, who took photos at VONA and has some gorgeous images on his blog.

Melanie Hilario's The Mel Mystique. Mel was in Jessica Hagedorn's class with me last week at VONA. Another Pinay writing sci-fi/fantasy. Yeah!

Olufunke Grace Bankole's Iyan and Egusi Soup. Olufunke's another VONA alum, but didn't get to meet her.

Chuck Cuyjet's Open Journal. Chuck was the workshop director this year at VONA, and always had a smile and a hug ready. I loved his energy.

Want to blog soon about the REsegregation decision of the US Supreme Court, but I feel like I'm still in denial about it. Give me a minute, I'll compose my thoughts and send the out soon.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Saw this coming a mile away...


Your Score: Katharine Hepburn


You scored 14% grit, 28% wit, 42% flair, and 23% class!




You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.


Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the
Classic Leading Man Test.




Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test



I knew it even before I took the darn quiz, but I love these things so I did it anyway. How predictable! I got Katherine Hepburn because she's the only old-school Hollywood leading (white) lady who was complicated enough to come anywhere close to matching the sass, smarts and style of women of color.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Privilege

As I sit here writing on my boyfriend's computer on July 4th, I'm thinking about privilege. My mental gears have been churning frantically since I got to VONA last week, and being in Chris Abani's workshop has only switched the setting higher. He throws out so many things to process, at such a rapid pace, and challenges you to stop being lazy and really think and take control fo your novel. It's a wild ride, intense and overwhelming, but incredibly healthy and healing, in a strange way, at the same time.

So today I'm thinking about privilege, because Abani told that all of us in his workshop are middle class, that no matter what our socioeconomic background we've had the privilege of an education. Yes, all true. But then it got me thinking about the many levels of privilege I have, and how much privilege I've attained in just one generation here in this country, how removed I am from my mother's experience and even further from my grandmother's experience (and I'm only focusing on my mother's side of the family because that's the only part of my blood-family that know well).

It's interesting that in a writing workshop that was exclusively people of color, I started to ponder how privileged I am. Some people might think that all we talk about at VONA is oppression and 'The Man' and how we are so downtrodden and silenced in the mainstream. God, if we only talked about that, how boring VONA would be! Instead we have much more engaging and relevant conversations about themes of voice, language, self-loathing, immigration, violence, relationships and love in our work. And we see over and over again how even if we are only writing about people of color without even talking about colonialism or whiteness or racism in the US or whatever, we've got plenty of privileges and oppressions to deal with just within our own nations/peoples/communities.

I started listing today all the different kinds of privilege I have: economic (I have enough money to not just eat but to have health care, go to therapy, have a computer, go to this workshop, buy new clothes every so often, etc. In other words, I'm not just surviving, even if I am living paycheck to paycheck most of the time); educational / intellectual (I have an undergraduate degree in a country where only a small percentage of people even attend college, let alone graduate with a degree); access to money and exposure to people with money (through my fundraising work); political (I vote and have knowledge of the inner workings of our government through my job, and have more access than some people to policymakers and decision-makers); literacy and communication (I can read and write at a fairly sophisticated level in one language--English--and I can communicate somewhat in three other languages--Spanish, French and Tagalog).

This last privilege, the privilege of literacy, is one that has been haunting me lately with the weight of its importance. Not just for me as a person--who would I be if I didn't know how to write? I wouldn't haev the job I have, the friends I have, I wouldn't be a writer, I wouldn't read books--but for my family, the people that I've known as my community, etc.

The importance of literacy struck me in a very simple but deeply emotional way when I was in the Philippines. My second day there, I was in Lingayen, where many of my cousins grew up and still live. The cousin I was traveling with, R., brought me to the bamboo hut (bahay kubo in Tagalog) that he and his siblings grew up in for part of their lives, and I saw with clear eyes the poverty and rural conditions that my mom had known as a girl growing up in the Philippines, not far away. My cousin and I talked about how our mothers--his mother is my mother's sister--had lost touch for a good 30 years, being in the US and the Philippines respectively. It always was a question in my mind how they could have 'let' that happen. It never entered my mind how difficult it would've been to maintain communication for them during that time, given their class status and life circumstances.

My cousin explained how in the town they were growing up in, there wasn't even a phone until a few decades ago, and even then there was only one phone in the whole town, so communication by phone was not very reliable.

"Why didn't our mothers just write to each other then?" I asked naively (my mother can write, although she doesn't like to because she's not very skilled at it and usually makes me write out checks for her and sometimes even sign her name; she's embarassed that she doesn't know how to do this well).

My cousin just looked at me and said matter-of-factly, "My mother doesn't know how to write."

I felt so stupid that I hadn't even considered that. For the first time in my life, I think, I realized what a huge privilege it is to be literate. And because I was literate, why I was the one who was asked to write the obituary for my adopted grandmother when she died seven years ago, and to write and give the eulogy at her funeral. i finally realized how hard it must've been for my mother to have me get impatient or frustrated with her because she wanted me to write out her checks or sign a birthday card for her. I realized that I had taken for granted the one skill I have that I would be an entirely different person without. I cannot imagine life without writing, as I can't imagine life without eating or drinking or music or dancing. It's inconceivable to me. Even something as simple as writing a letter to your sister who is an ocean away was not something my aunt could accomplish by herself.

And in one generation, me and my cousins have this privilege, this right, really, to write. Being at VONA has helped me understand more deeply how important this is, and how important it is for me to use my writing to make the best damn novel or short story or poem that I can. I'm not going to squander this gift, this privilege, this right; I'm going to use it to set the world on fire.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Ass-kicked

I feel a bit beat-up, like I had a long, drunken night that ended in a mini-brawl that I can't remember and now I'm awake and trying to figure out what happened. No bruises or anything, just that feeling. Ass-kicked. I did not literally get my ass kicked--well, actually I did get my literARY ass kicked. I had my fantasy/sci fi novel workshopped in Chris Abani's 'Complete Novel Workshop' during my second week here at VONA. It was a good whuppin', because I'd been a 'bad' writer--hadn't developed my characters enough, hadn't written my 'bible' for the world that I've created, etc etc. Chris at one point even called it an 'intervention' to 'save' me, the 'addict'. Addicted to writing an illogical book, I'm supposing.

It was about what I expected. He had told us yesterday in orientation that he would make us cry, that he would really call us on our shit. And he did. His favorite question it seemed was: "What are you afraid of?" And at first I couldn't figure it out. I didn't think I was afraid of anything, but I realize now that I am afraid of making my protagonist vulnerable, of making her human (even though she's technically not), of making her consider doing something I feel every woman has a right to do but at the same time I would never want to do: have an abortion.

It was such a big revelation to me, but it came in a pretty unspectacular way, after a fellow workshop participant mentioned something about my protagonist being conflicted about wanting her baby, about whether she might abort it. As my stomach muscles tensed and I felt a strange nausea that rose to my chest, I realized that that was what I had been running away from in my story: my protagonist has to want to abort her baby. Whether she does it or not is an entirely different situation--or should I say whether she succeeds at aborting her baby or not is an entirely different situation.

It's so fascinating how the psyche works. I'm very openly pro-choice, have been trained to do clinic defense and was on the advisory board of Our Truths a publication which provides a forum for women who've had abortions to talk about their varied experiences. From happy to conflicted, from depressed to relieved. But this was still a hard thing for me to allow my character to even think about, let alone to do. Call it Catholic guilt, call it unresolved emotional issues, or whatever. It's the thing I needed to realize before I could really let this characcter be vulnerable.

As Chris said, I've had my breakthrough. Now I just gotta figure it all out in my writing. Wish me luck.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Other VONA-ites & Their Takes

I did a quick search for other bloggers writing about their VONA experience these last few days, and although I don't know these folks I know we share a kinship now as fellow VONA alums. Head-nod to Black Girl Lost...In a Book and Gemini Poet. If anyone else out there knows of other blogs by VONA-ites, please holla.

Peace and Writing,
Rona

Friday, June 29, 2007

Collard Greens, Gay Sex and Other Thoughts Post-VONA

I'm sitting at home now eating spicy stewed collard greens (no I didn't make them from scratch, I'm not that talented). I came back a couple hours ago from USF, where I departed early from the VONA student reading. I had read a piece that I wrote in Jessica Hagedorn's character development master class, from the point of view of a character named David, who has just had sex with his (straight male) best friend of 10 years and is regretting it.

It was fun and fascinating studying under Jessica. She's witty, quick, smart as hell, funny, down-to-earth and opinionated as all get out. She was straightforward and honest with her criticism, and gave us some good exercises to help flesh out our characters (in my case, David was a fairly flat side-character in my story, with his best friend being the point of view character and protagonist; working in Jessica's class helped me figure out some important stuff that's going to help me finish my story and make it stronger).

I'm realizing how cool and achievable it is--with lots of hard work, diligence and attention--to write fiction. Good fiction. Not that my story is near being finished, but it's a lot better now than it was a few months ago (I just workshopped it in Junse Kim's fiction workshop as well, which finished up right before VONA jumped off). If I apply myself, learn my craft, and listen to my characters, I can create a story that is both intriguing as well as entertaining.

I rented two big favorites of mine to help me come down from my VONA high--I haven't watched TV in a few days now--The Empire Strikes Back and Rome: Season One, Volume 2. I have fairly 'low brow' taste when it comes to cinema, although I do like a good art house or foreign flick now and again. Both of these films contain well-told stories, however, but they don't beat you over the head with their cleverness. They draw you in without holding your hand, and immerse you in worlds so real with characters so human and flawed and fascinating that you can't resist going along for the ride.

And that's what I'm going for with my story. Tonight after I hugged Jessica good-bye she looked me straight in the eyes, her hands squaring my shoulders towards her and said, "Keep working. I want you to finish that story. Just finish it." I couldn't have asked for more succinct encouragement, and it couldn't come at a better time.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

All Shook Up

Been fearing earthquakes a lot lately. Not the little barely-noticed-them jolts that are so common, especially where I live in Oakland (it feels at times as if our building is built on not-so-steady ground). No, I'm talking about having fears of the proverbial 'Big One'--the one that geologists, amateur and professional--say is coming to the Hayward Fault, most likely, in the next 25 or so years. But really, it's not just the Hayward Fault earthquake I've been paranoid about--so paranoid that I've lain awake at nights after feeling a suspicious trembling (most likely my partner moving around next to me), my heart pounding in my chest--it's just earthquakes in general. I was in LA this past weekend and felt the same fear. Earthquakes, as it were, can happen almost anywhere in California. It's a fact of life I've known since I was a child, having been born and raised here and having lived here all my life.

Today I went to therapy and finally confessed to my therapist (who is very good, by the way) that I've had this strange, intense fear of earthquakes lately. So intense that I hadn't told anyone about it, for fear that I would be seen as silly and bizarre, or that I would cause what I feared the most to come true. She asked me, in that inimitably matter-of-fact yet nurturing way of hers, "Symbolically, earthquakes shake you to your foundation. Do you feel like you've been shaken, that you've changed lately?"

My answer was, unequivocally, yes. I have changed. From my trip to meet my father and sisters to my trip to the Philippines for the first time, I have swallowed, absorbed and manifested many changes in my life that I never thought I would. Feeling possible feelings of forgiveness towards the father who abandoned me before I knew who he was. Meeting family members I never even knew existed. Building a relationship with a sister who, though born and raised 3,000 miles away from me, is so much like me that it feels natural to be with her. Immersing myself in the culture of my 'homeland' without knowing the language, without being able to say much more than "I'm hungry" or "It's hot" or "My name is Rona." All this has changed me, in ways that are obvious and in ways that I have yet to see and understand.

So yes, I told my therapist today, I feel as if I've had a series of earthquakes in my life lately. All self-triggered, so to speak, but emotional and psychological earthquakes all the same. Catharses. Cleansings. Life changes.

Today, on the BART ride home from my therapy session, I felt a little less skittish about riding the train underground. I felt a release, a letting go within me, of the fear that had tensed my shoulder muscles every time I felt a tremor from the rumbling of a truck outside, or of the train rolling into the station. It started to make sense. I suddenly understood that I didn't have to be afraid anymore, that my fear wasn't serving me in any way except for to make me feel imprisoned, trapped, helpless.

So crazy how having one person listen to you and attempt to help you make sense of your deepest desires and insecurities can loosen the grip of your old patterns, old grooves of habit and thought.

And now I feel ready for another potential shake-up: I start the first of my two VONA workshops tomorrow morning at 8:30am sharp. I'll be studying character development with Jessica Hagedorn, and then next week going through a novel workshop with Chris Abani. VONA was a life-changing experience for me two years ago, and though I'm trying not to have too high expectations for my second time around, I know at the very least that I'll learn something, even if it doesn't rock my world.

And really, that's okay if it doesn't. Because I've had plenty of 'earthquakes' this year already.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I Love These Things

These tag-and-you're-it random list-questionnaire things. Don't know why, but I do. Guess I need some structure in order to narcisstically reveal personal information. Thanks to Efren for giving me the opportunity to indulge.

A. Available or Single? Nope. Very partnered and taken. I'm available for free gourmet meals though if you want to take my boyfriend too. ;)
B. Best friend? My partner/boyfriend H., most definitely.
C. Cake or pie? Mmm, this is hard. Depends on the flavor. For cake, if it's coconut cream from Sweet Inspiration or guava from Hawaii, I'm all about it. If it was warm apple or cherry pie a la mode, I'm there.
D. Drink of choice? Loving the Serenity Kombucha stuff lately (H. thinks it smells like rotting fruit). But my budget prefers Italian sparkling mineral water. A holdover from my trip to Rome last Spring.
E. Essential item? My Palm Z22. I'm lost without it!
F. Favorite color? Purple for home-oriented things, various shades of green for clothes.
G. Gummi bears or worms? Ick. I'll eat them but only if there's nothing else around.
H. Hometown? This is starting to be too much information...
I. Indulgence? Chocolate gelato, Mexican chocolate or ube ice cream from Mitchell's.
J. January or February? February--Valentine's Day!
K. Kids and names? None yet! But hopefully soon..
L. Life incomplete without? Dancing, love, friends, my sweetie, and delicious food
M. Marriage date? N/a
N. Number of Siblings? 3 half-sisters
O. Oranges or Apples? Mmm....Apples. Fuji apples.
P. Phobias/fears? Dying without feeling as if I've accomplished everything I want to accomplish.
Q. Favorite Quotation? Don't have one anymore. They all sound too trite for me to enjoy for more than a few months.
R. Reason to smile? The sweet, small moments in life: afternoon sunlight, golden and slanting; sleeping in on Saturday mornings; watching children play and be goofy and innocent; hearing a golden oldie salsa hit from the Fania hey-day.
S. Season? Summer. The season of beaches and long, warm days (like today!)
T. Tag three people: I know they probably won't do it but here goes: Oscarchoy, Ludovic who's looking for a job, and Bino.
U. Unknown fact about me: Jeez. It depends on who you are. I love the musical (and the soundtrack to) 'Rent' (but not the movie so much).
V. Vegetable you hate: Ampalaya / bitter melon (Efren and I are on the same page with this sucker).
W. Worst habit? Biting the skin on my fingers. Yah, I know it's gross.
X. X-rays I’ve had: Too many. CATscan, chest x-ray (i've had lots of coughs in my lifetime), dental of course.
Y. Your favorite food? Good food. Seriously, I like all kinds of cuisines, and living in the Bay Area means I can pretty much take my pick of cuisines most days and nights. Some perennial favorites are Chinese, Filipino, Ethiopian, Indian, Japanese and Mexican.
Z. Zodiac? Capricorn (western astrology). Metal pig (Chinese).

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Closing the Circle

I'd heard recently from my former boss, John Anner, that the Independent Press Association (or IPA) had imploded after several years of mishandling, lack of political vision and (what seems to me to be) corrupt and unethical decisions made by key leaders in the organization (namely the Executive Director, Richard Landry and whatever Board members were supporting him).

This came as sad news to me, and I'm sure many others. You see, I worked for John at the IPA, for a little over two years after my start-up stint at School of Unity and Liberation. Back then, in 1999, the IPA was a smallish organization with big ambitions--the main reason I joined John's fledgling staff and stayed through the dot-com boom (and subsequent bust), when I could've gotten a job, like many of my friends did, making twice as much money and working half as hard for some weird tech company. John has always been a visionary, with the fundraising, communications and marketing skills to match, and I learned much working with him and the other talented folks at IPA, like Jeremy Smith, Martha Bowen, Linda Jue and Abby Scher.

Looking back on the whole experience now, I realize that the IPA taught me some important things about organizational culture, politics, and what it takes to build a real movement in the U.S.--things that I don't think I would've learned if I'd stayed in the world of small, grassroots nonprofits; these kinds of organizations, as John Anner has put it in his inimitably opinionated way, are often 'in love with [their] own marginality'. I also learned stuff about indie publishing, but that was secondary, really. I love magazines but I don't think I ever had the same passionate commitment to the indie publishing world that John, Jeremy and others at IPA possessed.

The real lessons I learned during my tenure at IPA were much bigger, and had (I realize now) a long-lasting impact on me and my worldview. Here's a rough summary:

1. Think small, be small, win small. The counterpoint to this lesson being Think big, be big, win big.. I was having a conversation with a colleague the other day after haggling with one of our youth board members over whether she could raise $500 or $1,000 as part of her board fundraising goal (Californians for Justice has a board that's mostly made up of high school-age youth and college-age young adults). I was exasperated afterwards (of course, she opted for the lower goal, despite my positive encouragement that I thought she could raise much more--which she definitely has both the skills and the contacts to do). I chatted my colleague and said, "I don't want to help people raise $500, I want to help people raise $5 million!"

This sentiment is a direct result of my experiences at the IPA. John and the rest of the IPA crew often thought big, huge even: they bought a distribution company to help get our member publications out to a wider audiences, then brokered deals with Barnes and Noble and Borders to increase that reach (I know, the hardcore lefties are rolling their eyes, but we ain't gonna win over 'the masses' if the only place we're trying to reach them is in radical enclaves like Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley). The IPA advocated to get indie publishers to use recycled paper, started an advertising co-op to help its members generate more sustainable revenue, and launched a project to get more articles by journalists of color in the still-embarassingly-White-male-dominated left press.

My head spins now thinking of all the IPA accomplished in such a short period of time. John and co. thought big, went big, won big. It's an attitude and approach I think many leftists--especially folks working at the grassroots, like me--could do well to embrace.

2. My opinions matter, my politics are important, people will listen to me. I didn't have years and years of writing and publishing experience before I joined the IPA staff. But for some reason the good folks there still paid attention to me, still took what I said and considered it valuable enough to maybe put into practice in terms of policy or programs. It amazes me now when I reflect on that time that they took anything I said very seriously! I was young and more than a little arrogant, and wore my radical politics on my sleeve (a fashionably chic sleeve, of course), sometimes alienating the very people that I needed to work with to accomplish our big goals. This meant a great deal to me, and I don't think I even realized it until now, at 35 years old. It makes a big difference in one's self-confidence to have people you respect and admire and who are accomplishing great things in the world stop and listen to what you have to say.

And at the IPA, we listened to our members, too. The importance of this seemingly simple act cannot be underestimated. These publishers were small, grassroots media-makers--the kind that the big trade associations, distribution companies and bookstore chains didn't listen to, because they didn't have to or necessarily want to. The IPA helped change that, because we listened to our members, asked them what they needed, and took it upon ourselves to figure out ways to give it them. The last round of IPA management obviously didn't do that, as many different accounts tell. Bumping members off the email list because they were critical of organizational practices or asking board members to resign--I can't even imagine even thinking about doing those things when I was Membership Director at IPA. The members didn't 'help us' fulfill our mission, the members were our mission. Listening to them wasn't a nice thing to do to make them feel better, it was our job. It's a perspective that I've grown to take as a given in my line of work with nonprofit grassroots organizations, and sometimes I forget that most of the world doesn't operate on this assumption: that you have to listen to your constituents, the folks whom you are serving, the people who are most impacted by the problems you are trying to find solutions for.

But these lessons weren't just imparted to me--I'm sure that many members of what was once the IPA would agree: the IPA's ambitious vision--for an indie press that could sustain itself financially and reach tens if not hundreds of thousands of more people, that could help sway the hearts and minds of the 'unconverted' masses that need to be won over if we are to build a real movement for social justice in this country--this vision and the programs and infrastructure the IPA created to help realize it, taught all of us that we could dream big, that we could do more, and that we could, one day, if we struggled through our differences and kept our eyes on the prize and were willing to think outside the box, build the kind of world that we'd only dreamed of.

Of course, that vision has not been realized, not even close, but it's incredibly reassuring to know that we've stepped a little closer to it, and that we even held parts of it in our hands.

Rest in peace, IPA. And may the lessons you taught us stay with us for a long, long time.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Procrastination is...

...I don't feel like being on a schedule. I want to just sleep in and relax and take my time getting up, and then later on go eat ice cream from Mitchell's in the Mission.

...I want to go have brunch at my friends' place and hang out eating waffles and turkey sausage and drinking french-pressed coffee 'til 3:30pm.

...I don't want to go do my laundry like a good girl, I don't care if I the only truly clean pants I have left to wear are the brown polyester slacks I bought in a rush to wear for a training one day, which I for some reason refuse to get rid of even though they are completely unflattering in every way.

...I want to go have dim sum with Efren and Howard in Daly City and then go to Target and buy meaningless trinkets, toiletries and office supplies.

...I don't want to have to go to work tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day. I want to be on vacation and laying on a beach in Maui.

...I want to stay here and cuddle with my sweetie in bed, because we were out late last night at the Leftist Lounge where H. spun a solid set that had the whole floor groovin'. Hate to say it but the other DJ's we heard were pretty sucky.

...I don't want to do the hundreds of pages of reading I have to finish by June 27 for VONA because I'm tired of reading student manuscripts and wish I could just re-watch Seasons 2 and 2.5 of Battlestar Galactica instead.

But most of all I want to stop feeling like a lethargic piece or warm rubber, so I will stop complaining now about all the things I want and don't want to do, and go be a good little Capricorn girl and wash my undies and jeans.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Cafes Make Me Happy

I'm sitting in Gaylord's Caffe Espresso on Piedmont Avenue, procrastinating from finishing my short story to submit at writing workshop tomorrow, but I've found this cool travel web site called Jaunted, which you can search to find cool things to do and see and visit when you travel all around the world (which I want to do more of).

Jaunted has awesome cafe listings, which made me realize how much I enjoy cafes. To write in, to hang out in, to read in, to drink coffee or tea in, or just to people watch in. I love how in cafes you can be 'alone' and enjoying your own little anti-social activity, but still be surrounded by a mess of people and therefore not feel 'lonely'.

I wish I'd known about Jaunted when I was in Manhattan a couple months ago and ended up at a random cafe in Soho because it was the only one that looked half-cool and wasn't packed with too-trendy hipsters being painfully self-conscious and stylish.

I also recently joined a couple of Flickr's cafe-photo groups. I especially love the photos of Parisian or French-inspired cafes. The French and the Italian have the whole cafe thing down.

Maybe one day I'll post my list of favorite cafes, and why they make me happy. In the meantime, I've got to finish my story.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Edit Mode

An in revision mode for a short story I've been writing off and on for about two years. The story just got critiqued in a workshop I'm in with Junse Kim, an excellent teacher by the way, you can find him teaching public classes through The Writing Salon in San Francisco.

I also submitted the same story for Jessica Hagedorn's character development workshop that I'm doing in a few weeks at Voices of our Nations or VONA. I'm excited to finally study with La Hagedorn (as Bino calls her. I wrote my undergraduate thesis on her work.

I'm super-excited to study with Chris Abani. I've heard he's a great teacher, and his writing just kicks ass. I'll be getting my sci-fi novel (yes, the same one--it takes a long time to write a book when you're working full-time) workshopped in his class.

I lied, actually, because I'm not just in edit mode: in a few days, when I turn this story in for another round of workshopping, I'll have to start doing tons of reading, since Abani's workshop, dubbed the "Complete Novel" workshop, requires each student to turn in at least 100 pages of their manuscript, and I want to finish Abani's The Virgin of Flames before then too.

Wish me luck...Con Cariño,
Rona

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Slideshow time

So for those of you that have been asking (and those of you who haven't), here's the link to photos from my trip to the Philippines, complete with caption-'narration' so you can make sense of what you're seeing.

I had a little reportback brunch today (thanks to Germz, Efren and Howard, among others, for coming) with friends who supported my trip (I fundraised for a good portion of my expenses, which really helped a lot with both my trip to meet my father in Philadelphia and my trip to the Philippines) and one friend asked me to sum up my trip to the PI in one word. I thought for a moment, then said, 'Intense.' If it's not anything else, the Philippines can be a very intense place.

From the nearly daily 100 degree heat and ridiculously oppressive humidity that made my ankles swell up to the culture shock of a nation where Catholicism and Christianity and colonialism are so deeply embedded in the culture but still strangely unrecognizable at times, from the intensity of being around so many family members at once and for an extended time period to the emotional overwhelm of meeting all my relatives for the first time, this trip was quite an experience. But I'm glad I went, and glad that I survived, and I can safely and confidently say that I am a better person for it.

It's strange how connecting with family--long-lost and otherwise--can somehow ground you in a stronger sense of yourself. It's about touching your roots and knowing your history, yes, but it's also about knowing that you are not just a product of your family and upbringing either, that you have choices and privileges and outside experiences that shape you and make you the person you are. I've realized how rich my life is, and how much I have done to build myself up after having some traumatic experiences with family in the past, and now that I know that I have blood-family that I never knew existed before, now that I've made those face-to-face connections and lived amongst my kin, I know that everything leading up this springtime of journeys had a purpose and was part of my preparation for these realizations.

Okay, enough philosophizing and self-analysis. I hope you enjoy the slideshow.

Peace,
Rona

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The problem with me...

...is that when i get into things, like really into things, i can get a bit obsessive. Take, for example, Flickr, which i used to post my pictures from my recent trip to the Philippines (as well as my photos from my trip to Europe over a year ago!). I have hardly used it in the year or two that I've had a Flickr account, but after uploading almost 100 photos from this last journey--a process which took me at least an hour a day for three days--I'm starting to feel like I can't live without it. So at least twice a day, I've been visiting Flickr to check out mine and other people's photos. And I've finally put one of those super-narcisstic Flickr zeitgist thingies on my blog (see right). But then again, that's what a blog is all about, right? Narcissism? (Did i spell that right?)

I'm hoping that the fact that I don't blog much anymore shows that I'm not a narcissist. Or maybe that I just have my dysfunctional needs for self-aggrandizement fulfilled elsewhere? Hmm...

Friday, May 11, 2007

I Shall Return (to the Philippines), But For Now...

I am fine with staying in the US for a little while, maybe another year before I venture overseas or across borders again. Yes, I've returned from the Philippines, where I spent two weeks drenched in sweat in the sauna-like heat of Lingayen, Pangasinan, the provincial capital about five hours northwest of Manila. I'll write more later, but here's a few quick pictures of the trip. In short, although my trip was brief and only gave me a glimpse at life in Las Islas Filipinas, it opened my eyes to many new insights about my family, my culture, my people and myself. And I got to be a tourist and see some cool sites too. I was in Manila, Lingayen, Dagupan (my father's hometown), Calasiao (my mother's hometown), Baguio City, Manaoag and Aringay (La Union province).




Local and national elections were set to take place just a week after I returned, so there were lots of political campaign posters and other advertisements (like roving trucks playing candidates' individual jingles) in the streets of every town and city we visited.





This was my first breakfast in the Philippines--a veritable feast of fried Spam, Puto Calasiao, fried eggs, white bread, coffee, steamed rice and fresh papaya.

This is the view from Mines View Park observation deck in Baguio. Baguio was cool and pleasant, and reminded me a lot of my home here in the Bay Area. We came to Baguio twice to escape the stifling heat and humidity of the province, sightsee and do some shopping.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Preparing for My Journeys

I've been feeling a bit up-and-down recently, experiencing an emotional roller coaster of sorts regarding my upcoming trips to visit my father for the first time (hopefully, it's been difficult trying to get in touch with him) and also go to the Philippines for the first time.

I have to say, there's nothing like serendipitous incidents to make me realize that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing right now in my life. For example, yesterday I picked up a book at a used bookstore the other day, a travel guide to Philadelphia, which is the nearest big city to where my father lives. After thumbing through it randomly for a few moments, I looked up 'Chinatown' in the index (I'm always curious to see what Asian communities / neighborhoods are like in places outside the Bay Area). In the corresponding section, which was very short, was a brief description of some of the main Philly Chinatown sights, including a lion gate donated to the City of Brotherly Love by its sister-city, Tianjin, China. This happens to be the city that my partner's father is from. It was almost spooky.

Yesterday, I also went to hear Walden Bello speak at a public form organized by some activist friends of mine in the Filipino community. I heard Walden speak a few years ago in Berkeley, and his sharp intellect, practical reasoning and understated but very visible passion for advancing the political, social and economic evolution of Philippine society (and global society as a whole) is refreshing, inspiring and absolutely necessary to witness during these dark days of the Bush administration running amok in Iraq and global capital's disastrous impact on the Earth and Her people (aka climate change).

Walden is running for a seat in the federal Congress of the Philippines, and the gathering was something of a campaign event--although not a fundraiser for his campaign since (and rightly so) Philippine candidates cannot legally accept foreign donations. It so happens that there is going to be a major election in the Philippines on May 14, 2007, just a few days after I am scheduled to depart. Already there are suspicions and warnings of coming election fraud, such as the sudden fire that burned down the Philippine elections commission office in Intramuros, Manila. And although these developments scare me a little--no doubt the travel conditions will be a bit more dangerous during this time--I am actually excited about being in the country during a time when so much will be happening politically, and when I may be able to witness some of the amazing movement work in the Philippines that I have heard and read so much about over the past ten years.

So I feel that I'm doing the right thing, that my feet are planted firmly on the path and in the right direction, and although I am still feeling a little scared and a little excited and a little apprehensive about these trips all at the same time, I can't imagine taking these journeys at any other time in my life than right now.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Tempted

I'm tempted to just quit this blogging business altogether. I mean, what's the damn point of having a blog that you don't write new posts for and which is hardly read? Okay, I do know that I have a small but loyal following so perhaps I'm being a bit ungrateful and bitter. But, it's really not about a lack of gratitude or bitterness, it's more a question of whether I feel like I can spend my precious 'writing time'--the minutes and hours that I actually spend in the act of writing stories, poems or drafts thereof--writing for a self-important blog, or whether I should just spend that time working on more substantial items.

It's a tough dilemma for me, because once the writing bug bites me--and she seems to be a seasonal insect--I do feel the need to write often, in various media, and for various audiences. My writings in the blogosphere provoke a certain response from certain people--people whom I otherwise might never communicate with or who might never read another word of my writing. So I do find a certain satisfaction in maintaining this--albeit fragile, thread-like--connection to this 'readership', if one could even call it that. It really is more of a loose community, a network of people who bandy about ideas, opinions and random announcements the way circus jugglers throw balls around, except we throw them to each other too, and then the balls get bigger, and sometimes they smash like glass on the ground...and, well, enough for that analogy.

Okay, I'll leave it at that, for now. No grand pronouncements or announcements that I will be discontinuing my blog, or that I will strive to write once per week or more, or that I will post nude pictures of my friends here for the viewing pleasure of my anonymous visitors. Just another little blog-post-blip in the vast swirling universe of the blogosphere. I've vented and gotten this bit of frustration off my chest.

Just my little two cent contribution. Thanks for listening.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

The Morning After the Birthday Bash

No, I'm not hungover today from my birthday party last night. I didn't need to get drunk to be high on the vibe that we created last night, me and about 40 of my friends and family (and I don't mean blood-family, necessarily, I mean REAL family). I was blessed with a beautiful birthday celebration last night organized in part by a few close friends--Ayoka and Ntanya (thank you for the decorations and everything else!), Minda (always got my back girl), Brandon (on the 1's and 2's), Agustin (muchisimas gracias, amigo) and Henry.

We danced, drank and ate scrumptious Cuban-fusion food at La Taza de Cafe, a relatively new spot on Grand Avenue near Safeway in Oakland (up the street from the Grand Lake Theater). The vibe was great, the room was beautiful, and the sangria was just right. Some folks also enjoyed the Cuban rum and other goodies downstairs (mojitos or cigars, anyone?). It's a sweet spot for brunch, dinner and drinks, and the owner, Daniel, and his staff were the most gracious of hosts. And the parking is really convenient to boot.

In my 35 years of life I've worked to create a community of friends who are fierce, kind, compassionate and eclectic souls. I looked around the room a few times last night and realized that my efforts have been well-rewarded: queer and straight folks, folks of all colors and creeds, beautiful and grounded in themselves surrounded me with love and support. My friend D. said it best I think, when he loooked around and said, in his inimitably opinionated way, 'Wow, this is really diverse." I am truly blessed to have these people in my life, and I pat myself on the back too, for going the extra mile to build a loving family who has my back. Sometimes I forget about this fact, when I'm down or feeling frustrated by the challenges of life. Last night reminded me in a huge way that I am not alone and that I am loved.

You can see some pics of folks gettin' down here (dancing is mandatory at my parties, even for the most boogie-shy of folks) and chillin'. I didn't get a pic of my dress and shoes but they were CUTE, trust me (imagine ruby-red peep-toe patent leather pumps with my halter dress). This was also a fundraiser for me to take my first-ever trip to the Philippines this year, and folks blessed me with a signficant part of my travel fund. Thank you to everyone who attended and made my birthday so special.

Blessings,
Rona






Saturday, January 06, 2007

On Turning 35 and the Year of the Golden Pig

A few days ago (December 30th, to be exact, for those of you who are keeping track), I turned 35 years old. It doesn't feel that weird. I think 30 was a much bigger milestone for me---the big THREE-O. But 35 feels like a stop in the road of life, and a brief one at that. Yes, I have a few more lines around my eyes and my skin is thinner than it used to be. Yes, I need to lose a few pounds if I want to continue fitting into some of my clothes. Yes, I feel older and wiser, and those two things are inextricably linked, I've come to see. I'm definitely not the same person I was five or ten years ago, but I am also not completely different.

I'm having two birthday parties--in grand Capricorn fashion--for my 35th birthday celebration, not including a small, intimate party I had on my actual birthday with a few friends. (If you want the details about the party--although you've probably already been bombarded by my Evites--email me privately, I'm not about to post that info on my blog!) A friend encouraged me to have a big party for my 35th, saying that we often never celebrated ourselves unless we were getting married or were dead. Birthdays, to me, have always been an important time, a time when we reflect for a moment on where we are in life, where we'd like to be. A time when we bring friends together to feel that they love us and to celebrate life with them. And a time when we may even ask for a little something for ourselves.

The 'little something' for me this year is a trip to visit my father for the first time, as well as a first-ever trip to the Philippines. So if the coming and going of my 35th birthday seemed somewhat normal and uneventful, just another notch on the birthday belt (although if you talk to me after the big party I will probably say something different), these trips I'm sure will be huge life-changing experiences for me.

I've never known my father, and like so many people whose fathers were absent from their lives growing up, I have a mass of conflicting emotions about finally meeting him and possibly building a relationship with him. Firstly, i have a lot of anger, anger that has been sometimes aimed at other people, but really belongs to him. He left my mother and I before we were born, never gave us a dime or sent me so much as a birthday card. My mom was forced to raise me on her own, with the help of friends and family. And while I never regret that that was my path in life, I know that not having a father has caused me a lot of pain and grief. It has also taught me a lot of good things, and I am grateful to my mother for her role in raising me despite the obstacles that his leaving posed for her.

But secondly, I have a lot of hope and excitement, as well as fear. How is my father going to respond to me? What the hell am I going to say to him? Will I just yell at him and leave? I hope not. Will I ever want to see him again?

I also have two half-sisters that I have never met, my father's children with another woman. He wrote me a letter (when I was already an adultl; no doubt his mid-life crisis forced him to deal with me to assuage his guilty conscience) saying that they really wanted to get to know me. It's strange to think that somewhere out there are two women who may look like me, talk like me, who are blood-related to me but whose names and faces I do not know.

So the first trip I will be taking is to find and meet my father and sisters (yes, I've seen Antwone Fisher; I'm trying not to get my hopes up, though, that my father's family will be as welcoming or loving). And then in April 2007 (most likely) I will be taking my first-ever trip to the Philippines, where my maternal grandmother and aunt and many cousins still live. I've been estranged from my blood-family for many years now; my mother's one big flaw was a marriage to an abusive step-father that resulted in me being pushed out of my extended blood-family. But in recent years I've been trying to establish more ties with my family from the Philippines. It's an important trip for me, as the trip to see my father is, and I know that I can't move forward with the next phase of my life--planning for and starting my own family--without making these journeys and coming to peace with the families that I have had so many mixed emotions about.

And to connect this all back with my birthday, I will be asking my extended family of friends, comrades and colleagues who come to my birthday festivities to contribute to my travel fund. Working for nonprofits for the last eleven years has not helped me build a huge cash-reserve, and I'm hoping that all the fundraising I've done for others has bought me enough good karma to raise a couple thousand dollars. It's the best birthday gift I could ever get.

And lastly, I feel optimistic about my birthday fundraising efforts in part because, starting in February, we will be in the year of the Golden Pig (Chinese calendar). This means that 2007 will be a good year for saving and making money, and that babies born in this year will be rich (or that's what's supposed to happen anyway). And those of us (like me) fortunate enough to be born pigs should have especially good years. I've even asked my co-workers (who are mostly Latino) to start calling me 'Cochinita Dorada' (the little golden pig) to get the good luck flowing early.

So wish me luck and fortune in this year of the Golden Pig, and I do the same to you. Happy new year!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Rest in Funkiness, James Brown



I can't say more than that he was a true innovator, and a man who changed music forever. Funk on, JB.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Mostly True Generalization #1

Men think they don't need help at times when they actually do; women think they need help at times when they actually don't.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukah....

I just got off the phone with a friend who is Jewish, married to a Christian, and has adopted two African-American girls. When I asked if they were going out of town for the holidays he answered, almost breathlessly, "We haven't had time to go anywhere." Except, that is, to various holiday engagements, including nightly Kwanzaa celebrations (each night of Kwanzaa is an opportunity for a family or community gathering). I suggested to him that maybe they consider rolling all the different holidays into one big one that they can rename something all-encompassing....'Winter festival' or something equally non-sectarian and inocuous. But it's not so simple as that, of course, as we all have our nostalgic, sentimental, or spiritual ties to the particular holiday that we grew up celebrating (or we had such negative experiences growing up with those holidays that we've discarded them in favor of new traditions; either way, they've got an emotional hold on us).

I like to think of this time of year as a Season of Lights; a season that's cold and dreary, which is why we feel compelled to chase away the darkness and the blues with colorful lights, fancy wrapped presents, comforting food and the warmth and friendship of our loved ones. There's a reason why pretty much every culture in the world does something to celebrate during the colder winter months. We're pretty smart animals in some ways, we humans, even if we are messing up the planet.

And while I celebrate Christmas, I make sure not to homogeneize the holidays into something superficially Christian. I find it interesting that my hard-core Jewish co-worker just wished me a 'Merry Christmas'. I feel a little awkward saying 'Happy Hanukah' so I go for the generic 'Have a good holiday'. It's just a lot easier and less likely to offend.

Whatever you call these cold days of winter revelry, I hope you stay warm, fed, nourished and comforted by all the magic and positive energy that the season brings. If only for once a year, I do have hope that people's hearts open a little bit bigger this time of year. I hope yours does too.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Emotional Bulimia

As I trudged up the hill to my apartment from the bus stop, I considered the possibility of writing a memoir before I finish my novel. Now, this could just be another trick, a distraction that my mind is throwing into the ring of my consciousness to keep me from finishing the sci-fi/fantasy novel I started almost six years ago. Or, it could be my consciousness' way of demanding space and attention for my lifestory. Indeed, as I listened to my knees creak during the last few paces at the top of the hill, I realized, 'I am not getting any younger.'

I have done many things that most people never get a chance to do. Protested in front of the White House. Raised $100K-plus for an organization I care about. Confronted my abuser (my step-father) about the sexual abuse he perpetrated on me. Traveled to Cuba. Gotten arrested on Market Street for 'harassing' a police officer. Stayed at a commune on the California-Oregon border, complete with communal 'shitter' (outhouse) and naked men cooking me breakfast. I have a lot of material to work with.

And I wonder if I should do this before the novel because so much of 'me' is coming out in Tala Zaal, my protagonist; and I wonder if it's because I haven't gotten enough of the 'real me' out into my essays, blogs, diaries, etc.? Does the 'real Rona' need to get some stuff off her chest and out into the world before the fictional characters that populate my imagination can fully realize themselves?

Perhaps it's the winter holiday season (also the season of my birthday) that brings upon this introspective thought-train. Winter has always been a time of turning inwards for me, of examining what I want to be getting out of my life and what I want don't want to be. It is a time of reckoning, of evaluation, of turning to look at the year (or years) past and ask myself, 'What am I proud of? What have I accomplished? Am I any closer to leaving a mark on this world? Am I happy?'

I was told today by an author and fellow fundraiser that I admire greatly that she really enjoyed my blogpost on 'An Inconvenient Truth'. I'm sure that's one of the reasons this crazy idea of a memoir is haunting my thoughts. And the fact that the day after tomorrow is Thanksgiving/taking and I haven't any real plan for celebrating or non-celebrating the holiday for the first time in probably my whole life is quite sobering, and liberating at the same time.

I guess I think a memoir could serve as a means of catharsis, or a kind of emotional bulimia--I've scarfed down all these experiences, emotions, ideas, etc. and I want to puke them out into the world. Clear my system, as it were. Not a pretty image but it feels right. And sometimes--no, often--real healing and the moving forward that follows soon after is not pretty, but it is right, and necessary, and unavoidable.

Thoughts, anyone?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Tempest? More Like a Drizzle

Got my November issue of Filipinas magazine and saw that the 'Bebot' video had made a cover headline. Of course, FilMag is coming to the party a little late, as this 'controversy' has been swirling around the Internet for a few months now, and seems to have pretty much died down. I hadn't paid much attention to the brouhaha myself--I first saw the open letter that 13 academics had signed on to accusing the Black Eyed Peas' 'Bebot' video of being degrading to Pinays and thought it sounded a bit silly and tired--until I read the FilMag article, but I find the whole situation rather amusing from my unique 'insider-outsider' position.

Why 'insider-outsider'? I'm Pinay (born in the US) and I happen to know or know of a few of the people who signed the letter. I'm college-educated (UC Berkeley cum laude 1995), consider myself a feminist and radical activist, and have been tangentially involved in Filipino-American politics for the last ten years or so. I've 'been there done that' when it comes to protesting 'stereotypical' representations of people of color, women, etc. I also love to dance salsa, reggaeton, even hip-hop and go to clubs every so often. Lastly, I work at an organization that works mostly with high school-age youth, so I know from firsthand experience what young people are listening to, dancing to, and wearing these days.

I actually didnt' see the 'Bebot' video until today, when I was compelled to finally see what all the fuss was about. And I have to admit, I kept waiting for the 'offensive', 'degrading' images of Pinays to appear. Maybe I've spent too much time outside academia and in the real world, or maybe I've been desensitized by the much more raunchy lyrics and images I hear and see in other hip-hop music and videos, but I didn't see what the big deal was. The video just looked like a bunch of Pinoys at a party. The girls weren't super-scantily dressed by regular rap-video standards--which I admit are pretty low, but I've seen 40-year-old women at salsa clubs wear less than what some of those young Pinays were wearing. I didn't see any crazy grinding and lapdancing happening in the video, which seems to be par for the course in other rap videos nowadays. There were even b-girls doing their thing, not wearing bikinis like they might in a Jay-Z video but wearing jeans and t-shirts. And I didn't see any close-up booty-shots of Pinays in butt-hugging Daisy Dukes.

All in all, it looked a little bit like a scene out of 'The Debut', with more of a hip-hop/urban edge. I don't think anyone would call that movie degrading to Pinays. Maybe a little mainstream and 'stereotypical' in its portrayal of 'good Filipino girls', yes, but degrading? I don't think so.

I still don't get what the fuss was all about, or why the Black Eyed Peas and their supporters even felt the need to respond to the 13 academics. Does 13 people publishing an open letter about a music video that maybe a few milion people have seen and probably like or didn't even think twice about merit being called a 'tempest' as the Filipinas Magazine called it? Was this really a 'storm of controversy'?

The letter actually reminded me a lot of feminists like Andrea Dworkin who think porn and Playboy and really, anything remotely sexual, are the most vile things on the planet. I disagree. While I agree with the academics that Pinays are portrayed in degrading and over-sexualized ways in the majority of mainstream American media, I also think that it's okay to show Pinays dancing in a club with their bellies bared and not be degrading them. Their rhetoric almost borders on being puritanical, and since I know these folks are educated Fil-Ams, I doubt that their concerns regarding this video are moralistic in a Catholic way.

It's funny, because when I went to Cuba, the women and girls there dress very provocatively (more provocatively than in the 'Bebot' video, for sure), but at the same time are empowered with accessible and free birth control and reproductive health options that keep them more in control of their bodies and their sexuality than many Third World women. Also, beauty wasn't limited to only skinny or light-skinned women, but women of all body types and skin colors. Sexuality and sensuality between men and women is very open and normal in Cuban society, where men winking or whistling at women is common and not simply a sign of 'degradation.' That experience taught me that just because a woman was being seen as a sexual being didn't mean she was being degraded. I wonder if we'll ever get to that enlightened place in this country, or at least in the Filipino-American community. I'm not holding my breath for that moment, though.

All this is to say is that I still don't get what all the fuss is about. I like the song, I like the video (although I liked the original 'Generation One' version better for its portrayal of Filipino manongs in Stockton), and that's about it. Does it play into the American male fantasy of the docile, oversexualized Pinay? Probably, but so do non-scantily clad young Pinays walking down the street together. I don't think this video contributes to that stereotype in a gross way. Does that stereotypical image exist? Of course. If people want to change the fact that images of scantily clad, booty-shaking women are part of music labels' commercial formula for hip-hop music videos, by all means go ahead and do so. But send your protest letter to the people with power--the music labels--not the artists, who in this case had wanted a different video, one with more political overtones, shown in the first place.

Maybe folks should spend more time trying to make images of Pinays that they feel are positive rather than just criticizing others for trying to do the same. Or making sure that all women have access to economic and sexual health choices that give them the option to be sexual or not, with whomever they want.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Naked, Elections

Did that get your attention?

I thought I'd break my blog silence because I Googled myself today (as I do every so often just to see what the world's been saying about me---usually not a whole lot but sometimes an interesting tidbit pops up) and I saw that 'Rina Fernandez naked' popped up as the first hit. Now, I still don't really know who Rina Fernandez is (a B-list Latina actress I think) but I sure as hell don't want her naked picture link to pop us when someone Googles MY name.

The other reason I thought I'd call off my blog-break is because this Tuesday is an important election here in Oakland, and especially in my neighborhood: Aimee Allison is about to (hopefully) unseat special-elections-incumbent Pat Kernighan for the District 2 City Council seat. This is an important seat to win, with Ron Dellums coming into office in January 2007 and the Oakland City Council still fairly dominated by corporate/downtown development sympathizers who have made it very difficult for progressive activists to make any positive change in Oakland over the past several years. With a real progressive on the Council and Ron Dellums in the Mayor's office, we'd have a better chance of seeing some important changes take place, including more affordable housing, better jobs, and a lower homicide/ crime rate in Oakland.

So if you live in District 2 and you're registered to vote, please vote for Aimee Allison. She's a political outsider who's down with the people, for God's sake. And if there's one less thing we need in Oakland it's a cog in the De La Fuente political machine.

There's also a bunch of other good and nasty stuff on this November's ballot (like Proposition 85, which would make it mandatory for girls under 18 to tell their parents if they are planning to have an abortion). I pretty much agree with everything the San Francisco Bay Guardian has to stay about this election, so print and take it with you to the polls.

Happy voting,
Rona

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Real Break, I Promise

I said I was taking a break from bloggin a while back, then the one-year anniversary of Katrina came, and then I saw 'An Inconvenient Truth', and blah blah blah. But I'm finding this blog to be more burdensome than stimulating, and I have many other things to do--like help organize a fabulous fundraising event for the Asian Pacific Environmental Network on October 13th and organizing the 10th anniversary events for Californians for Justice, my stressful but amazing and rewarding 'day job'--or vocation, take your pick (yes, they can be the same thing!).

And I need to connect with people---probably some of you reading this---more face to face, like real human beings do. After all, I'm just not really one of those super-self-centered people that have to blog every frickin' day.

Hasta Luego,
Rona

Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Three Big Ones

I want to take on a new task: to write about the three major influences over my life--spirituality, organization and art. I was thinking this morning that these are the factors/themes that have had the most impact on me as a human being, an artist, an activist; that I see the world through these three lenses. Of course, in many ways they are not distinct or separate from each other. There are aspects of organization in art and spirituality, and aspects of spirituality in organization and art (when, of course, they are at their best).

So I'm going to take on this blog 'project' over the course of the next few months. I may blog about other things in-between, but I want to explore these themes with you, dear reader, and myself, in order to better understand not only what makes me tick, but how these three powerful aspects of life affect each other, affect all of us, through their dynamic interaction and interplay.

Hope to post the first part of this blog project soon...
R.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

A Permanent Shift

Finally saw An Inconvenient Truth' last night at the Grand Lake Theater. If you haven't seen it already, you must go. I'm going to go out on a limb and possibly sound like one of those hokey movie reviewers or deep-voiced movie trailer announcers and say, 'It's the most important film of the year.' And possibly, of our lives.

That sounds dramatic, but what we are collectively doing to destroy this beautiful, precious, endangered planet called earth is more than dramatic--it is unconscionable.

I already knew about a lot of the concepts and ideas that Al Gore puts out in his excellent, highly informative slideshow on global warming (which is captured in the film). How global warming works, that the massive glaciers that have been part of the Earth's delicately balanced ecosystem have been breaking off in huge chunks over the past several years, etc. I knew about all that. I'd gotten the emails, read the articles, talked to people about it, made the connection (which seems obvious in my mind) between global warming and the devastation of Katrina.

But despite the fact that I live in the Bay Area, which is one of the most progressive (if not the most progressive) areas of the country, especially in terms of consciousness around environmental issues (in urban/inner-city Oakland, you can compost through the City's own program, for God's sake), I still hadn't felt the real weight and moral responsibility of knowing all these things until I saw Mr. Gore and his film last night.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. Or maybe I should say like a ton of CO2 emissions.

As I blogged right after Katrina, I had always wanted to go to New Orleans. I'd heard so many stories from friends, through books and movies, about this magical, strange city. But now, New Orleans--despite the tourist industry's promise to 'let the good times roll' again--will never be the city it once was. Not when thousands of Black residents who'd lived there for generations--in the Lower Ninth Ward and other parts of the city and region--are not being allowed the right to return to that city. Like many others, I thought that New Orleans would always be there, a gumbo- stew-city of music, dance and voodoo magic.

But it's gone--or at least, what it was is gone. And global warming was a huge factor in creating the massive hurricane called Katrina which destroyed New Orleans--and huge parts of the Gulf Coast--as we knew it.

One of the most terrifying moments of the film last night was when Mr. Gore talked about how a massive glacial breakoff of parts of Greenland or Antarctica (which is possible in the next fifty years if we don't take steps to curb CO2 emissions now) would result in a 20-foot rise in sea level worldwide. Then he showed in his slideshow images of low-lying areas of the world--the Netherlands, Florida, and the Bay Area among them--and where sea level would rise in those areas.

My hometown of Alameda, California (a small, quaint island city just a couple miles away from where I live now), would most certainly be covered in water. Even here in Oakland, where heavy winter rains regularly prompt store-owners on Lakeshore and Grand Avenues to sandbag their front doors against flooding, Lake Merritt rising twenty feet would devastate whole neighborhoods around it. Last night, I looked out my bedroom window at Park Boulevard and the apartment buildings surrounding it below, and imagined water covering the two-story building just a few hundred yards away.

I don't want to be part of making this the future I leave for my children, or my children's children. I want my children to be able to see my hometown--not as an underwater museum of a bygone era, but as a living, breathing place.

One of the things that struck me during the Raising Change conference that I helped coordinate this past month was the amount of waste that is generated by large gatherings of people like that. And it wasn't even a very large conference: only about 400 people. But after lunch on both days, it was crazy to see garbage cans full of completely recyclable cardboard lunch boxes, half-empty soda cans and bottles, and the ubiquitous empty plastic water bottles. And this was a conference of progressive activists!

For some reason, those images from the conference really struck me, and now I know why--if 400 progressive activists who are mostly aware of the environmental impact of our work and our lifestyles, couldn't pull it together to recycle and lessen our environmental footprint for two days, what hope can we possibly have that the rest of the country will want to do so?

After the conference, almost subconsciously, I started to be aware of how I waste things, and began to take small, everyday steps to lessen the amount of resources I consume: I began collecting 'gray' water in the shower to use to water plants; I finally assembled a compost bin for kitchen scraps; I made a commitment to try to buy all of my clothes used before going to a department store or boutique to buy new; I pledged to walk to work twice a week (I usually take the bus anyway so this is an improvement and would help me get my exercise); I would spend more time in nature, hiking and camping and the like. Of course, I will always be involved organizations that are working to hold the Bush adminstration accountable for the havoc it's wreaked on our environment. All these things are necessary action steps.

I was so shaken, though, after seeing 'An Inconvenient Truth' that I know now that this shift in my consciousness and behavior is no temporary thing. These are life-changes that we all--especially in the U.S.--have to make if we are to continue to inhabit this planet, and pass it on to future generations intact and functioning. No, we cannot completely reverse the damage we've already done, but we can help stave off the worst for decades if not longer.

And for my people of color comrades who think that environmentalism is 'a white thing' or that people taking individual action to reduce, reuse, recycle is just a ruse to distract us from the 'real issues' of oil-and-war-mongering in the Middle East, I challenge you to educate yourselves and take responsibility for your everyday actions. And remember, it's the poor people of color of the Third and First Worlds that suffer the most from global warming's effects--drought in Darfur, Katrina in the Gulf Coast, flooding in India and other places.

Go see the movie. Do your part. I know it sounds cliche, but in this matter, as in many others, each one of us taking some action, however small, however incremental, can make a difference.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Can't Stay Quiet: One Year After Katrina

I know I said I'd take a break but as people all around the country remember and commemorate (a strange word, I think, but that's what people are calling it) the one-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, I find myself unable to stay silent in this very public space. A few things...

...I've added a banner for the Katrina Information Network, through which you can sign up for email alerts about Katrina-related events and actions.

...One year later, I wonder, what has changed? There is a still-unresolved human toll that Katrina took on the people of the Gulf Coast. I went to a great panel the other night organized by the Center for Third World Organizing and TIGRA of women leaders from the US, Philippines and Bolivia. One of the women, Latosha Brown from Saving Our Selves, an organization of Katrina survivors, who spoke of how this anniversary is triggering people's trauma of having lived through such horror and violence, and how two of the organizers she worked with had been killed by their partners, who then killed themselves, in recent weeks. She spoke of how people in the region are having 'meltdowns', as she called them, many finding it difficult if not impossible to cope with the memories of this terrible time last year.

...And although it's frustrating to feel helpless in the face of chronic racism (especially directed at Black Americans) and the systemic causes of poverty and suffering in this country, I know that the little and not-so-little things I do everyday are making a difference, step by small step. From challenging subtle and not-so-subtle anti-Black racism within the predominantly people of color organizations I work within, to challenging this racism within myself and my circles, to giving money to key groups that are doing work to rebuild the Katrina-devastated south, to writing this blog post, there are many things I (and all of us) can do to help change things.

One way I'm trying to contribute is by devoting my time as a board member/fundraiser to help coordinate the Asian Pacific Environmental Network event on Friday, Oct. 13, which will feature Father Vien from New Orleans, who has been working with the Viet community in solidarity with African-Americans there to stop the locating of a toxic dump of Katrina-related waste into their neighborhood.

Of course, I want to do more. I am glad that Project South and other groups are pulling together the first-ever United States Social Forum for next year. Modeled on the World Social Forums that have been taking place in the Global South (the new, more accurate term for the 'Third' or 'developing' world) over the past several years, which have brought together thousands of activists from all over the world to network, educate each other and strategize about how to fight the onslaught of global capital and imperialism, this Forum will be a landmark event for US-based organizations.

I can't wait to watch Spike Lee's new documentary, "When the Levees Broke". I've heard it's powerful. You should watch it too. It's the least anyone can do to 'commemorate' the Katrina anniversary. Color of Change is trying to help people organize viewings of it tomorrow night.

Two key pieces of media/culture during this time: The Legendary KO's 'George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People' Radio mix and Eric Mann's recently released book, Katrina's Legacy: White Racism and Black Reconstruction in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Blog Break

I'm taking a break from blogging. Need to spend time connecting with my peoples face-to-face, old-school quality-time style. Don't worry, I'll be back in a month or so. And there are plenty of links below-left of people's blogs, alternative media sites, etc. to keep you occupied while I'm gone.

See ya,
Rona

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Big Day

Sorry I didn't get to blog about it before the big day finally came, but wish me luck as I embark on the first day of the fundraising and social justice conference I've been organizing for the past year or so. I'm really excited about it; have hardly slept at all these last couple days, but now I gotta conserve my energy and kick some butt tomorrow with my coordination and problem-solving skills. Hopefully everything will go relatively smoothly, and the 400+ participants will be provoked, challenged to think outside the box, engaged and englightened.

And there's also been talk of some folks starting a grassroots fundraisers blog after this! We'll see.