Happy Love Day

Despite the naysayers who choose to hate this holiday because of how Hallmark and chocolate companies and every other corporate entity in this country has co-opted it for their own commercial gain, I love Valentine's Day. I've written about it on this blog before, here and here, but don't think I've ever revealed that this day is also special to me because, not only do I celebrate the love of my friends on this day, but H. and I have chosen to celebrate our anniversary on this date as well. Six years and counting.

So happy love day to all of you out there, and thanks for continuing to check-in on me and my funny little life. Have a beautiful, heart-filled day!

Meme on Privilege: The Old, Tired "Class v. Race" Debate

One of the blogs that I saw this on posted this with the title 'Has Class Trumped Race?" Or something to that effect. This question and quiz, and the tired comment I got from a fundraising colleague a little while back, has prompted me to respond. (I got this from Claire Light's blog, by the way). I'll do the quiz / privilege exercise in a minute, but just need to get this whole class/race thing off my chest first with a few organized points. Call them my informal race v. class rebuttal points:

1. Yes, Class is just as important as Race
2. Big BUT, however, is that Class is often (obviously not always) based somewhat on Race
3. If you look at the proportion of people of color in this country who are poor, you will find that more people of color are poor as a percentage of their total population in the US than white people.
4. So then, which is 'more' important--class or race? I ask you, especially you middle- to upper-class white people and people of color who either feel guilty about your privelege or can't deal with the fact that you have it to examine the information annd to answer that question for yourselves.
5. My answer? Neither is more important, but class in this country is NOT separate from race a lot of the time. I'm not saying it's totally dependent on race, but I don't think you can have a progressive, let alone radical, discussion about shifting power or the economic/class system in this country if you don't talk about how racism impacts the economic opportunities of communities of color as well as encourages poor white people to work AGAINST their own self-interests.
6. And to my white 'allies' out there who insist that Class is 'the real issue' and not 'Race', I ask you to really look at yourselves, and to check your shit and start actually listening to people of color and what we have to offer in this conversation instead of talking to us and trying to tell us what to do.
7. There, I got it off my chest. Now for the privilege quiz! (The 'bolded' items are the things that apply to me; I guess the more bolded items you have, the more privilege you have. The questions in terms of range and topic are interesting--e.g. the 'heating bill' question I thought was really good. Try it yourself!)

When you were in college:
If your father went to college.
If your father finished college
If your mother went to college
If your mother finished college
If you have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
If you were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
If you had a computer at home
If you had your own computer at home
If you had more than 50 books at home (counting Encyclopedia Brittanica, right?)
If you had more than 500 books at home
If were read children’s books by a parent
If you ever had lessons of any kind
If you had more than two kinds of lessons
If the people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
If you had a credit card with your name on it
If you have less than $5000 in student loans
If you have no student loans
If you went to a private high school
If you went to summer camp
If you had a private tutor
If you have been to Europe
If your family vacations involved staying at hotels
If all of your clothing has been new and bought at the mall
If your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
If there was original art in your house
If you had a phone in your room
If you lived in a single family house
If your parent own their own house or apartment
If you had your own room
If you participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
If you had your own cell phone in High School
If you had your own TV in your room in High School
If you opened a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
If you have ever flown anywhere on a commercial airline
If you ever went on a cruise with your family
If your parents took you to museums and art galleries
If you were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.

I have to say, doing this kind of depresses me, because it brings me back to my high school and college days when I had friends (partially because I went to private school with kids that were richer than me, although because of scholarships--which I didn't have in high school--I also went to high school and college with kids that were much poorer than my family was) who actually got to go to Europe on their parents' dime or take really cool unpaid internships while I worked at Macy's all summer or who got to go on family vacation and shit and I didn't get to do much of that stuff at all. I know that I still have a lot more privilege than many people in this country and most people in this world--especially since I'm college-educated--but I also know there are a lot more people out there who have WAY more privilege than I do and who just take it for granted, and are also WAY less aware of their privilege than I am. Kinda depressing, but then again it's all about how you look at it. I have to say that the time in my life when I was 'poorest' economically also happened to be when I was happiest as a child, and the people in my life that are the most 'working class' are probably the most easy people to get along with for me. It's all relative I guess.

Disappointed in Berkeley

I can't believe Tom Bates is backing down from Berkeley's very cool, very radical anti-military recruitment stance that their City Council recently decided on. Even in Berkeley, let's be real, most of the military recruitment is targeted towards poor people, people of color, who have few other options to pursue to 'get ahead'. I admired Berkeley's stance on military recruitment (I believe they recently kicked out military recruiters from public high school campuses) and I'm disappointed that the Republican-sponsored blackmail of the city--'we'll cut your federal funding if you go through with this'--actually worked to intimidate the city and the mayor. Sounds like even radical Berkeley is no longer even symbolically leading the charge against our imperialist, war-mongering times. Fitting, given that Obama, the so-called 'progressive' Presidential candidate has recently turned pro-Zionist and pro-war by advocating for the invasion of Afghanistan.

Sigh. What's the world coming to? And really, can't groups like Alice Waters' Chez Panisse Foundation (one of the nonprofits in Berkeley that would lose its federal funding under the Republicans' attack) raise its own $250,000 without taxpayer money? As a fundraiser, I know this is possible, and I'm a little appalled at how quickly Berkeley balked at this one. Sad and disappointing indeed.

Happy New Year!

I decided this year that I would follow (at least partially) the traditions of the Chinese and many other older, non-Western cultures and take two days off for the lunar new year. It seemed a bit strange for me, especially since I'm marrying into a Chinese family (albeit a fairly non-traditional one at that), to have almost three weeks off for Christmas and Gregorian calendar new year, and no days off for the Lunar New Year (which most non-modern cultures celebrated or still celebrate). So here I am, at home at 10am on a Thursday morning, blogging and checking email (personal, not work!) and Facebook.

It's been interesting learning more about Chinese and lunar (no, they aren't they same) new year over the years from friends and from H.'s family. The family dinner thing, the red decorations and flowers/plants, the firecrackers, the different Chinese astrological signs (I'm a pig, myself, which I love being) and how non-Chinese people also celebrate the holiday. For the first time ever, I think, H. and I actually cleaned up a bit last night (Chinese believe you're not supposed to clean at all on this special day, because you'll be washing away all your good luck), and today we'll both be wearing red. We had our own version of a New Year's Even dinner last night at Golden Lotus in downtown Oakland, a completely vegan, faux meat joint that would most likely displease our Asian relatives for a special occasion meal (no meat! That's not a real meal!), but worked out fine for me and H.

I'm going to blog a bit more on the wedding blog about tradition, culture, and how bringing our two families and individual ways of doing things has been a both joyous and difficult process for me and the fiance.

But in the meantime, let me just say, 'Gong Xi Fa Cai!' (pronounced, roughly 'GONG-shee-FAH-chai) which is the traditional Mandarin greeting for 'Happy New Year!' May the Year of the Rat bring us all peace, prosperity, health and happiness.

What's Up

Been a bit sick lately, sick enough to stay home for about three days total (two half-days from work, one full day from work, and then one weekend day, ugh). Besides my cough, body aches/chills, fatigue and general icky-feelingness, the rainy, cold weather hasn't been much motivation to get up out the house, and neither has my recent plugging into the Facebook craze. I see why people get addicted to this social networking stuff. I have to say, since I've been at home sick a lot it's been a nice way to still feel somewhat connected to the rest of the world and to the various social networks that I flit in and out of. The interactive, sort of video-game-like quality of all the 'apps' in Facebook are also very addictive, but at least I can do things like "Send Good Karma" and "hug" and leave messages for friends instead of just virtually 'slay' them in some simulated parallel universe. Although I have also added the 'Heroes' app which allows you to use your superhero powers (my current power is 'Telekinesis') to 'fight' your friends with other kinds of powers. Cool.

Other than that, I've been making and eating a lot of arroz caldo, a yummy jook-like chicken and rice porridge that I love to make and eat when I'm sick. I make it gingery and with lots of lemon juice, so it really clears up congestion and makes me feel all warm and cozy inside. I've also been making a little bit of headway on wedding reception venue-searching, and am getting some help from two of my friends who are logistics and event-coordinating geeks like myself, so that should be fun. More on that on my wedding blog, which hasn't seen any comment-activity yet, but hopefully will soon since I finally figured out how to enable comments again.

One of the things I haven't been doing much of is writing (fiction or even in my journal). I've done a few blog posts in the last couple weeks, which is good, but I've really let the rest of my writing commitments slip. No guilt-tripping, but just acknowledging it. It'll come back when it needs to. I've realized that I can be really hard on myself when I'm not doing a million and one things that I think I should be doing for one reason or another, and that that alone is a big reason why I stay (or at least feel) stuck in a rut with my writing or other things in my life. The reality is that I'm getting a lot of shit done, between work, my social life, my writing and the wedding planning, and I have a lot to pat myself on the back about!

That's about it. Hope you're all staying dry/warm/safe/healthy/happy during these last few days before the first day of the Chinese New Year of the Rat!.

A Dangerous Job: Grassroots Journalist of Color

As reported in today's San Francisco Chronicle. Fascinating stuff. I'm glad that community journalists are finally getting some well-deserved respect from larger 'opinion' papers.

My Last Post on the Presidential Primaries, I Promise

So I feel like I'm being hypocritical and not doing what I'm asking others to do: talk about building local, regional and even statewide power instead of just focusing on the glitzy Presidential elections. So, in the spirit of staying true to my own politics, this will be my last post on the Presidential primaries, and maybe one of my last posts about the Presidential race period. There are many other people who have been following the races more closely than I have and who have very intelligent things to say. My two favorites if you'd like to read them: Jan in San Fran and Racewire from the good folks at the Applied Research Center.

Okay, deep inhale. Here's my lay-it-all-out-there, full-on post on why I'm not as thrilled about the Presidential elections as some of my fellow progressives and radicals are, and what I think is helpful/hopeful/useful about them as well, from a movement-building standpoint.

The reason I am so critical of the Obama-mania--and possibly of Obama himself, although I honestly haven't read up enough about him to know his policy proposals inside-out--is that many progressives, activists, radicals, long-time organizers and movement people I know are saying that we need to take advantage of this opportunity, that we need to follow the masses who are following Obama's lead, that we need to not stay on the sidelines and just be the nutty radicals talking to ourselves in the far-left corner of the room.

All of that I totally agree with, and think is a good thing. Of course, having millions of people who may have previously not been engaged in politics at all--the young people, the 'disaffected' that Obama's been inspiring--is a good thing. But here's the catch: if we radicals and progressives are trying to insert ourselves into the Obama campaign to 'ride the coattails' of his amazing sweep through the primaries, what are we really trying to get out of it? Are we trying to use this as an opportunity to put out a message of civic engagement, of voter mobilization for the long haul, of democracy as a right to claim and not a privilege to hope for? Or are we simply going with the tide, not being critical of the candidate we're supporting (while we remain hyper-critical of his Republican and some Democratic opponents), squashing any real opportunities to talk about the really big issues: ending US imperialism abroad, true health care reform, real democracy, quality education, and, yes, race and gender and how all of these are intertwined.

I could be wrong--maybe those conversations are happening at Obama's (and hopefully Clinton's and Edwards') campaign offices all across the country. Maybe my fellow progressives are taking the newbie activists that are getting mobilized by Obama's campaign out for drinks (or sodas) after phonebanking and breaking down to them how the Presidential race is just ONE election that happens every four years, and how we need to be engaged in all levels of government in order to make real change in our communities. Maybe some of you all Obama-heads out there are really engaging in deep conversations about true democracy with the slightly starry-eyed folks who read 'Audacity of Hope' or watched Oprah (and I'm not disparaging those things, I'm a big believer in the power of the media) and wanted to get on board with Obama. If you are, then more power to you. I support you 100%, and I will be here for you if you want to talk about it, or vent about how frustrating it can be, or want to just share what a great experience it is.

My biggest fear, however, is not that those conversations aren't happening--because I'm sure, to some degree, they are. My fear around an Obama presidency is that he is going to win, and that progressives will be rejoicing, and saying this is the best possible thing that could've happened under the circumstances (a big lowering-the-bar kind disclaimer, and one I've heard from activists). And then when he gets into office, he's going to come under intense scrutiny because he's a Black man--I think Dave Chappelle's sketch 'Black Bush' from Season 2 of the Chappelle's Show is the best vision for what a Black president would endure, even while he does all the f**ked up, racist, and imperialist shit that any President is expected to do. And because of this scrutiny, he will be advised that that he has to be tougher on 'terrorists', on people who are incarcerated, on poor people--who are all still largely people of color in this country--and that he won't be able to talk about race in an honest and sane way, and won't be able to implement the social and economic reforms he's said he would because of the way the system is set up. That he'll buckle (as any other President would) under the massive pressure from corporations and Dems not to change things TOO much, because as a Black man with a 'foreign'-sounding (whatever that means) name, he'll feel he has to be extra-palatable to the mainstream in order to get ANYTHING done, much less make any of the sweeping reforms that the folks at the grassroots are hoping that he'll make.

But even further, my real fear--and one that I can already see happening, because I feel that there are very few progressive people of color out there willing to critique Obama's politics the way we're almost expected to when it comes to Clinton, Edwards, McCain, etc. because then people look at us like we're crazy--is that many people will DEFEND Obama when he's doing all the shit that US Presidents do to uphold US imperialism. Like invade Afghanistan, or 'take out' Ossama bin Laden assassination-style, or invade (militarily or economically) Cuba once Fidel passes. These things, I don't have any doubt, will probably happen no matter who becomes President of the United States. It's all a matter of degrees. But the difference with an Obama, and even with an Edwards, victory, would be this: would progressives and / or people of color actually defend him when he has to make these moves? Will racial solidarity or white guilt or labor union cronyism keep people from being critical of a Black President or a labor President because they don't want to attack someone who's having such a hard time already? We already expect that Clinton will be a classic deal-cutting politician, and she hasn't really promised not to be. But Edwards and Obama have. Will we try to hold a President Obama accountable to the vision of hope that he inspired us with? And will we work to build grassroots power so that we can hold him accountable? Will the people who came out in the millions to vote for Barack, donate money to his campaign, work for him, etc. be around when accountability needs to happen? And which side will they be on?

These are the questions that swirl around in my mind when I think about Barack Obama as our next President. I wonder if Oprah will, after Barack's sent troops from Iraq into Afghanistan, have him on the show to talk about how brave that was for him to do? How the American people admire him for doing that? That a Black man can be just as imperialist as any other President? Is that the kind of racial equality we are fighting for?

I agree with my friend Ludovic and others that Jesse Jackson's Rainbow Coalition presidential bid in the 1980s energized a large mass of people who remained engaged in politics on some level afterwards. Yes, very true, and I'm not going to compare Jackson and Obama's politics because that's not what this is about. The bottom line to me is, that was a different time. Our education systems looked very different then (at least in California, the 5th largest economy in the world and one of the economic and political powerhouses of this country). There was more solidarity between people of color because we were all, to a large extent, still second class citizens. We were only 10-15 years removed from the Black Panthers and Black Power, the Vietnam War, the Iran hostage crisis. People of color had not yet integrated into previously white society to the deep levels that we have now. It was still an era of affirmative action. I think as a nation we were probably more honest about race, class and maybe even gender than we are now. And then, of course, there's 9/11 and how that has profoundly changed American culture, economy, media and politics.

In short, an Obama campaign and a Jackson campaign are, in many ways, apples and oranges. But my friend Ludovic asked for concrete proposals and so I've got a few. Make of them what you will:

1. As far as voting for President, I'm voting in the primaries for Edwards. He's not perfect by any means, and I know he's not going to win, so maybe it's a cop-out vote, but at least I like his economic policies. After the primaries, it's anyone's ball game. I'll definitely be voting for a Democrat, since I don't want to chance a Republican winning, so I guess the choice will be pretty clear after August. I won't be working on any Presidential candidate campaign though, nor will I contribute money, so don't ask.

2. For the people wanting to work on Obama's campaign because of the movement that has stirred up around him, go for it. I just ask you to have those longer-term, movement-building conversations with the people you meet along the way. Take some time to really engage with people about what a real democracy looks like, because a lot needs to happen between Presidential elections to make a democracy real. Let's not forget about that.

3. And don't be dejected if Obama doesn't win the Democratic nomination. He will have run one of the most successful 'underdog' campaigns in the history of this country. If we're about real change and long-term movement-building, let's make sure that either way, victory or defeat for Obama, that we use the opportunity to talk about true democracy, to talk about race and gender and class, to talk about rebuilding our communities from the bottom up. Let's do what we say we want to do. Let's not just talk about it. Let's do the hard work of creating a democracy. Another world is very possible, but it will take all of us working together to make it real.

And now that I've put it all out there, I promise to only or at least mostly talk about statewide or regional/local elections issues from now until at least June. I try to practice what I preach. It's all about trying, at the very least.

Best Blogpost I've Read on Obama Yet

From Adrienne Marie Brown on RaceWire. I especially appreciate her description of her friends' reactions when she displayed 'hateration' towards the Obama whirlwind-slash-political-phenomenon.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, if people (especially progressives) who are working on Obama's campaign don't have a commitment to continue to fight for fair and free elections, to work together to build LOCAL power from the grassroots, and to hold him accountable to his campaign promises if he wins the Presidency, then really, I would be happy not to hear one more word about the so-called 'miracle' of his campaign. I'm not a hater, but I am a bit of a cynic, having been involved in political work for the better part of the last twelve years. Hey, call me crazy, but I just want real change, not media glitz and empty promises.

Wow, This Sh*t is Serioius

So it sounds like the writers' strike may be coming to an end soon, what with the Oscars coming up and all. Still, it's a bit shocking to hear what I imagine are fairly self-absorbed celebrity movie stars say that they won't cross a picket line to attend the Oscars. Gives me a little more respect for Hollywood's elite. As a writer myself--albeit not one that gets paid the big bucks that the folks who write for TV and film do--I feel a little torn about the strike, mostly because I wonder if a strike like this will, in the end, strengthen the bargaining power of less-famous writers like myself. I'm not a member of the Writers Guild yet, but I'd like to be someday, and although I know they do some cool stuff, I imagine that they may pay more attention to the better-resourced pros in Hollywood and New York than the side-gig freelancers like myself.

In any case, the real question when it comes to the inevitable end of the writers' strike is, of course, ''When will the new season of Battlestar Galactica come out?'

Rest in Peace Heath Ledger

I'm not one to follow entertainment industry news too closely, but I do know a great film and a great actor when I see one, and seeing Heath Ledger's in Brokeback Mountain was one of the best film experiences I've ever had. Really. It ranks up there with watching 'The Godfather' or 'Star Wars'. It was that compelling for me as art.

And now Heath Ledger is no longer with us, on this planet. I remember thinking, when Philip Seymour won the Oscar for best actor instead of Heath (they both deserved it, it was sort of like choosing between Don Cheadle and Jamie Foxx the previous year; I wish it could've gone to both of them), that it was all right, because Heath was still very young and he'd have plenty of other opportunities to win an Academy Award.

Well, that's no longer true. This article explores some of the possibly darker sides of this incredible actor's personality. No matter what the cause of his death, in the end, the loss of such a talented artist is felt by us all.

New Year's Resolutions

Here are a few from my extensive list. I see the whole month of January as a time to kick-start my work on these resolutions, or goals as I prefer to call them, since the lunar (Chinese) new year isn't until February (February 7th this year). Would love to see others'.

1. To have a fun and meaningful wedding experience with Henry, our family and friends (and to NOT get too stressed out in planning it!)
2. To devote more time to my creative writing work. For the first time ever I've created a calendar of internal and external deadlines (internal being deadlines I set for myself, external being those set by institutions, publications, etc.) to help give me some structure. Being a fundraiser/grantwriter, I think I've learned how to work well within that kind of structure.
3. To spend more time dancing, smiling, laughing and having fun
4. To continue my healing path (spiritually, emotionally and physically)
5. To prepare my body for being a mother by living a healthier lifestyle (no, I'm not pregnant, but I hope to be soon after the wedding)
6. To become more financially literate/savvy. Been reading some Suze Orman and paying attention to my financial statements for a change.

Wish me luck in achieving them! And I wish you lots of positive energy and courage and strength in meeting your own goals for your life in 2008.

On Second Thought

What the hell was I thinking?? I started falling for Obama because he won Iowa, not really because of anything else. I really don't even find him all that charismatic. And now, after listening to Obama's near-war mongering foreign policy stance to Pakistan during the New Hampshire debates on Saturday night, I think I won't be voting for him after all. I will be voting Democrat during the primary though, and it will most likely be for John Edwards. He was my first choice from the beginning anyway. Governor Richardson from New Mexico talks a good game but his connections to defense contractors make me think he's like a wolf in sheep's clothing, like George W. Bush wearing tie-dye or something.

I realize now that what I thought all along about Obama would most likely come true: that he would be no better than a newfangled Clintonite, whose idea of 'change' is to use charisma and wide-appealing rhetoric, but to have a policy platform a socially moderate, fiscally and politically conservative Republican. Ick.

I guess on some level many people think that because Obama's Black, he will be 'different', politically or otherwise. That he will be honest. That his charisma and abililty to inspire people will mean he will listen to the people who elected him and do potentially unpopular things (unpopular to the 'status quo' powerbrokers, the old Clintonites, the big corporate powers, etc.). But I think most of all, Obama is an ambitious man. A great quality, a winning quality, in a politician, especially one who's running for President against the partner (I refuse to call Hillary Bill's wife, it kind of belittles her role in his administration) of a man who's been hailed as one of the greatest American Presidents of all time. Obama's got a tough fight ahead of him, and he's got the right combination of image, ideals, fundraising and organizing skills, and rhetoric to win that fight.

But what's at the core of his desire to win? Is it truly the desire to want to make change? Does making change mean invading or bombing a sovereign nation that 'harbors terrorists', or even assassinating its head of state (things that he's alluded to in his debate speeches). Who would be next after Pakistan--Iran? Or maybe Cuba? How can he be so against the war in Iraq but so willing to go to war against Pakistan? Will he always feel that his too-African-sounding name means that he has to prove how tough on terrorists and rogue people of color he can be to win the American people's support?

I just can't do it. I can't vote for another Presidential candidate who so blatantly says he stands for one thing but then in his policy proposals does just the opposite.

Earl Ofari Hutchinson contrasts Obama and Edwards a bit in this article. The Nation offers another good piece on race and the Obama candidacy. Ever-reliable Jan in San Fran breaks down the real politics and zeitgeist that's fueling the Obama-mania brilliantly.

Don't believe the hype, folks. Vote John Edwards.

The Times They Are A-Changin'...

I have to admit, although I'm not as starry-eyed over Barack Obama as many other progressives and liberals are right now, I do think that having him as President would most likely be a huge improvement over a Clinton. And today's news that Barack took the Democratic caucuses in Iowa by storm, with another progressive, John Edwards (who probably would've gotten my vote if I was an Iowan), in second place and Hilary trailing behind in third, is great news to election-weary folks like me.

Overall, I don't put a whole lot of store into Presidential elections, although it's hard not to get so excited with so much media hype piled onto them. I think local and state elections have just as much if not more impact on people's everyday lives a the Presidential elections, and wish more people who voted in droves during the big election days would come out to the polls more regularly during more 'boring' elections. And really, that's one of the key strategies that the Right employed to builld power, and why they've been able to cement their power in so many parts of the country. They've gotten their base to vote early and often, in all kinds of elections, not just the Presidentials. But this election's a little different--there's a lot at stake, with the war in Iraq, social security on the verge of bottoming out, our country's healthcare crisis, and public education being 'left behind' thanks to Bush's awful 'reform' policies. And I do believe that under the Democratics, we progressives can get a helluva lot more done than we can under the Republicans, under whom we're usually just fighting fires and trying to keep our people from getting sucked even deeper into a hellish hole of poverty, violence and mind-numbing, pseudo-patriotic, right-wing propaganda.

So I've gone ahead and done it--I was previously registered Green Party but I've just switched over to being a registered Democrat for the first time in at least eight years, just so I could vote for Barack Obama in California's early February 5 primary. I'm not voting for him because he's Black, or because so many others think he's the Second Coming. I like John Edwards' politics better and think he has a better track record at fighting on issues I care about, like corporate accountability. But I don't think he's running a very good campaign right now while Barack's captured people's imaginations with his inspiring speeches and is therefore turning out volunteers like crazy and raising money like a frickin' tornado in a bank vault.

But I'm also voting Democratic and for Barack because he represents the drastic, bottom-up change this country needs. Obama and Edwards are representatives of what I hope is a real sea-change in national-level politics--a change that sees the Democrats finally trying to cater to their own base of young people, liberals and progressives, instead of trying to win over moderate-conservative Dems and Republicans with a watered down anti-choice, pro-corporate, pro-war agenda. Who knows if Barack will win, or even if he does win, if he'll do everything he's promised to do? History and conventional wisdom tell us that he won't--I don't know if truly honest politicians exist; it seems like an oxymoron. But if he can help galvanize the supposedly apathetic folks out there who need to be at the polls and engaged in their communities, then I'm all for him.

Go Barack! I'll be there on Feb. 5 to give you my vote.

Another Birthday, Another Year

Today's my birthday, folks. Thanks for your well-wishes and positive thoughts.

Having my birthday so close to both Christmas and New Year's, and during the winter season, has always meant that I'm both reflective during my anniversary of life, and that I also have lots of things to distract me from the fact that I'm aging. Funny, though, maybe it's the fact that my Mom never 'blended' my birthday with other holidays and was always sure to get me separate presents, have separate parties, etc. that I never confuse the three holidays. Instead, although it's sometimes irritating to get 'combo' birthday / Christmas presents from friends who don't realize how annoying that can be (just give me one present for one holiday, dammit!), I see this time of celebration and cold weather as a time to reflect on the year that's just past, and the year to come.

Yes, I make new year's resolutions (or 'goals', as I like to call them, since that feels a little less daunting), but overall I like to just think about where I've been this past year, and where I want to go. And there's been a lot for me to reflect on this past year.

First, there was my trip to visit my father and then right after that, my first-ever trip to the Philippines, where I met a lot of other family for the first time. Before my PI trip, I had a a great send-off with friends, which made me feel strong and protected for what ended up being a very emotional and physically taxing (tropics in the summer) journey. I also had tons of support from friends who donated more than $2500 to me for my trips. It was hard to fundraise for myself in some ways, even after I've raised literally millions of dollars for organizations and other people. But it was a big part of me claiming for myself my right and my need to take these journeys, and I got huge validation from my community through this fundraising drive. I also started the year right with a belated birthday party for myself.

Those two trips were the double-whammy of my spring, hitting me with a load of intense emotions, from joy to sorrow to anger and everything in between. I learned a lot about my family during those trips, and therefore about myself, about my roots and where my weird quirks and values come from.

As I said in an earlier post, I did a lot of other traveling this year, much more than I ever have before, logging a bunch of miles on my Southwest Rapid Rewards account in the process. I traveled a bunch for work. I moved into a new position at work this past year, one that was both stressful and challenging in a positive way. My time management and control issues were definitely put to the test, and I realized that I can't do everything, and shit, that's really okay. It was also the first time in many years that I worked a full year at full-time at one job, only doing a few contract gigs here and there. That was interesting. I don't think it's necessarily the right career option for me for the rest of my life (I like having more flexibility and independence), but it's been good to get grounded in one place again after working on a bunch of different projects for the past few years. And CFJ is also a great place to work.

I did a two-week stint at VONA this year, one week with my long-time creative hero Jessica Hagedorn, and a second week with my new creative hero Chris Abani. I learned more in those two weeks than I had all year about my writing, and what I need to do to move it forward. Thanks Jessica and Chris, for reals.

Lastly, but definitely not least, H. and I got engaged (there was no proposal involved, just FYI, we just discussed it and decided it was the right time, in our typical non-conventional fashion). We've been planning our wedding for the past couple months. You can read more about that on my wedding blog.

It's been a bit of a whirlwind year, but a lot of good things that I've been wanting to do for a long time happened. And the best part of it is that I had a major if not the main role in making them happen. It was a good year for self-empowerment. Damn, it was just a good year! Thanks to all of you for supporting and encouraging me throughout the year, and for reading my blog.

I look forward to a happy, fulfilling, (hopefully) peaceful, and prosperous new year with all of you. I really believe that the best is yet to come.

List: Why I Hardly Write About Politics on this Blog

1. A lot, and I mean A LOT, of other people write about politics from a much more well-informed and articulate voice than mine. For starters, see some of the links right here in the margins of my blog. Not that I read much political stuff either, except for sometimes Harper's because it's just really well-written and takes interesting perspectives on stuff. I have to admit that a lot of other political writing puts me to sleep. Maybe I'm afraid of putting people to sleep too!

2. I am self-centered. At least I'm honest about it. I've read plenty of other blogs by so-called 'conscious' or political people who really just talk about their friends and their opinions anyway, so why not just put it all out there and be transparent? This blog is about me and my life, and as much as politics touches my life--which of course politics do quite frequently, in very real ways--I may post something about politics here. I try not to be too self-centered in my everyday life, so I figure I can use this space to be a bit of an ego-hog if I like. Besides, I feel like a lot of leftists are so obsessed with politics and not enough with examining the problems and issues in their own lives that they end up being some really frakked up people, if you know what I mean.

3. I don't feel like I have a lot to contribute to the 'political debate' that may not completely offend others, and I'm not trying to offend people in this blog. I really am not trying to invite some crazy right-wing and/or racist lurkers to read my blog and start trying to post some ill comments. Of course, I could just moderate them out of existence but I'm way too honest to do that, and then it might just get out of hand.

4. It seems like this blog ends up mostly being used by my friends and acquaintances to keep up on my life and hear more about what I'm thinking about life. And that's just fine by me. In our frenzied and over-scheduled urban American society, I have so little time to keep up with friends and folks that my blog ends up doing that for me. To me, that's a good use of technology!

And one more thing--tomorrow's my birthday! So wish self-centered me a nice happy one.

List: What I'm Going to Do for the Next 2 Weeks

1. Get Christmas out of the way first. Not that I don't like Christmas, I actually enjoy it quite a bit. But I'm not very religious about it and I don't get too caught up in the gift-buying craze, especially now that H. and I are saving for the wedding. I like to get small, thoughtful gifts that please people and make them feel as if someone listened to them. I like to give people what they want. I like to just give gifts to people, really. I'm a giver. No wonder I'm a fundraiser then, eh? I'm a professional counselor to givers!

2. Stay at home and clean my house. It's been a long, sometimes tough, and very busy year for me. At last count I'd made 12 out of town trips this past year, including going to meet my father for the first time, going to the Philippines, to the Rockwood Leadership program for four days, to Portland for a conference I trained at, and to LA three times for work. I also got to go to Louisville, Kentucky for work which was interesting and fun (really!). So my house is a mess. I haven't organized squat in my house in months. And what better time than the cold winter to hole up with the heater on and get to cleanin'?

3. Write. I have a lot of material knocking around in my head, waiting to be poured out onto the page. I've realized that I need to just do my writing when I have the time, and not beat myself up so badly about not being able to make the time when I'm super-busy and stressed-out about work, the wedding, my father-in-law being ill, and the holidays. It's pretty crazy, and telling, that even during this wacky month of holidays I find myself guilt-tripping myself--'What, you can't do all of this AND write 100 pages too?? What's wrong with you?"

4. Read. I set a goal of reading/finishing four books (two of which I've already started) this break. I'm off until Monday, January 7, 2008 so i think I can do it. I've been reading a lot more lately than I have in a long time. It feels good.

5. Wedding planning. We're going to book our photographer this week (had a great meeting with Hasain Rasheed and his partner, Joanna Kaplan, about working with them; it's pretty much a go--I mean, look at those amazing photos! And they were really cool, nice people to boot. Had a good feeling about them as soon as we walked in the door).

That's it! That's enough. I decided it was too crazy to try and pack more stuff into my winter break. I know for some people this already might seem like a long list, but, hey I'm a Type-A Capricorn. I like to keep busy!

You are cordially invited...

...to check out my new blog on weddings, marriage, and the insanity of the 'bridal industry'.

And no, we are not going to have the word 'cordially' on our wedding invitations. ;)

The Constant Planner

What can I say? I love planning things. Almost as much--no, sometimes as much if not more--as implementing those plans. Case in point: as we near the end of the calendar and our fiscal year for my organization, I find myself getting excited about drafting a new annual fundraising plan and quarterly workplans in Excel worksheets. Sick, huh? Actually, I know that without people like me the world would be a very unorganized, slightly confused, and not as great place. I really do feel that in my heart.

Second case in point: I was the chair of the event committee for a big fundraiser for a nonprofit on whose board I sit, which was held back in October. It was a good fundraiser, went off well, although I think the planning process itself wasn't that fun for me. I was just way to busy with other things to be very present during the process, and sent lots of late night emails to the various people I was working on it with, and begrudgingly went to meetings. I also knew that planning this fundraiser was keeping me from moving forward as quickly as I wanted to on my wedding planning and I felt a little resentful of that. But when it was over, it felt good, and I told myself--time to move on!

So I started planning the wedding in earnest. You can read more about that on my my other blog. It's been a little stressful, but it's been fun. I especially love going to venues to check them out for the ceremony and reception, and I can't wait 'til we start trying different caterers' food. But it's been a time suck, to be sure, and I find myself reflexively searching for wedding favor ideas or wedding dresses online when I probably should be writing or cleaning the house or something. I get a bit obsessive; it's a personality trait I'm working on.

So it's funny that within all this big-event planning what I'm getting excited about this week is planning yet another event; H.'s birthday is in a week and a half and I'm going to throw him a small get-together with friends (not completely a surprise but he doesn't know the details of the event). I love making the invite list and then sending that initial email out to everyone to get the ball rolling. I also love looking for stuff to do that night online (if anyone knows of any good stuff happening in the City on Sat., Dec. 15 lemme know). So really, I think it's not just planning, but event planning that gets me going.

It feels good to plan things, feels good to get things done and know that I thought it through so that I could get things done easily and with less hassle. I don't know if this puts a damper on my sense of spontaneity--who am I kidding, of course it does!--but I know that it helps me relax when I finally get to the big day, knowing that every detail has been thought of, every emergency has a point person to handle it (even if it's me), and that everything is going to be okay.

On Children

Been thinking a lot lately about children--my future children, the children currently in my life, and the plight of children in general in this country and in this world. I guess it's because the winter holiday season has swung into high gear, and because I'm in wedding-planning mode (went to try on dresses today--what an ordeal, but that's another story) that I have children on my mind. My favorite song about children is 'On Children' by Sweet Honey in the Rock. I was talking about children and that song today with my friend A.--how a lot of people I know who don't even like children all that much are having children and falling in love with them, or at least, fallling in love with their own children, but how many people don't see looking out for the welfare of all children as a priority in their lives. How many folks just want little replicas of themselves running around, and don't understand the unique spiritual role that children play not only in our lives, but in the future of the planet. And that our roles as parents and supportive adults in their lives is not to mold them into our own images, or to treat them like highly prized pets, but to be the stable, rock-steady foundation for them (or 'bows' as Gibran calls us below) so that they can move forward into their own future. A. agreed, then told me something I didn't know, that that song is based on a poem by Khalil Gibran. So I looked it up, and here it is.

On Children
by Khalil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Cylons 'R' Us

I love Battlestar Galactica, the new version, of course (I don't really remember the old one, although H. does, and likes that one too). And we just finished (finally!) watching all of Season 3, with its tear-your-hair-out cliffhanging ending, which included the revelation of the identities of four of the 'Final Five' (or F5 if you're really a geek) Cylons, a different breed of Cylon from the first seven (or 'Significant Seven', as Ron Moore and the other BSG crew call them). There are tons of theories swirling around the blogosphere right now about who the fifth and final Cylon is, and I have my own opinions, which I will be sharing tonite at a Battlestar Galactica Razor screening at Ludovic's place. Fascinating stuff. I don't know if it's just that I love the show so much, or that I'm trying to study and absorb as many ideas about narrative and plot structure from great shows and books and movies as I can as I write my own 'galactic bible' for my novel, but this shit is just so interesting to me. Check out this great write-up on the functions of the F5, as well as this one, written by someone who I hope is at least getting paid good money for his 'study' of BSG backstory and Colonial / Cylon philosophy.

Geeks of the world unite! Frackin'-A!