Saturday, October 15, 2005


Today I remember Helen Toribio (perdon for the formatting, but it surmises well what Helen brought to all of us), who passed through the veil last year today. I echo Gura's wise words about remembering, respecting and letting go.

I also remember that death is only one part of the cycle of life, and what better time to remember this than Fall? And as I picked out my pumpkins at the Pumpkin Festival in Half Moon Bay today, I was reminded of how much I love fall--love to watch leaves turn color, to feel the air turn crisp and cool, to take out my winter coats, to clothe myself in autumn's hues, crimson, orange, brown. Funny, since I'm also someone who has experienced loss in a profound way in my life, not just through the physical death of people I care about, but through the loss of old friends whom I have outgrown, or who have outgrown me.

And although I don't regret letting those people go--because surely, no friendship is worth one's own dignity, creativity or mental health--even the death of the most unhealthy of relationships is a loss. And loss must be mourned. I am reminded today, for some reason, that perhaps I haven't mourned those losses enough, and that I still have to be gentle with myself as I try to move through and beyond that loss.

But I'll be looking forward to spring next year (and my much-anticipated, first-ever trip to Europe!), because the season for death and mourning does pass, as always.



Anonymous said...

Hi Rona,

Thanks once more for sharing your thoughts with your blog. Wise and comforting words from you and Michelle about Helen. Your paragraph about loss, and mourning even the loss of unhealthy or negative relationships, reminded me of the last lines of The Catcher in the Rye, for all its problems and datedness still a favorite of mine and it had a big impact on me 40-some years back. Anyway, Holden the narrator talks about missing everyone he encountered during his story, even one guy who beat him up, and then concludes, "don't ever tell anybody anything. if you do, you start missing everybody." the insight there has always stuck with me, and your own words seem to be right along the same vein. take good care and keep on rockin' - peace, max

Rona Fernandez said...

i love Catcher in the Rye too. I think it's ripe for a literary comeback. Thanks for visiting and sharing, Max. peace, Rona