Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Closing the Circle

I'd heard recently from my former boss, John Anner, that the Independent Press Association (or IPA) had imploded after several years of mishandling, lack of political vision and (what seems to me to be) corrupt and unethical decisions made by key leaders in the organization (namely the Executive Director, Richard Landry and whatever Board members were supporting him).

This came as sad news to me, and I'm sure many others. You see, I worked for John at the IPA, for a little over two years after my start-up stint at School of Unity and Liberation. Back then, in 1999, the IPA was a smallish organization with big ambitions--the main reason I joined John's fledgling staff and stayed through the dot-com boom (and subsequent bust), when I could've gotten a job, like many of my friends did, making twice as much money and working half as hard for some weird tech company. John has always been a visionary, with the fundraising, communications and marketing skills to match, and I learned much working with him and the other talented folks at IPA, like Jeremy Smith, Martha Bowen, Linda Jue and Abby Scher.

Looking back on the whole experience now, I realize that the IPA taught me some important things about organizational culture, politics, and what it takes to build a real movement in the U.S.--things that I don't think I would've learned if I'd stayed in the world of small, grassroots nonprofits; these kinds of organizations, as John Anner has put it in his inimitably opinionated way, are often 'in love with [their] own marginality'. I also learned stuff about indie publishing, but that was secondary, really. I love magazines but I don't think I ever had the same passionate commitment to the indie publishing world that John, Jeremy and others at IPA possessed.

The real lessons I learned during my tenure at IPA were much bigger, and had (I realize now) a long-lasting impact on me and my worldview. Here's a rough summary:

1. Think small, be small, win small. The counterpoint to this lesson being Think big, be big, win big.. I was having a conversation with a colleague the other day after haggling with one of our youth board members over whether she could raise $500 or $1,000 as part of her board fundraising goal (Californians for Justice has a board that's mostly made up of high school-age youth and college-age young adults). I was exasperated afterwards (of course, she opted for the lower goal, despite my positive encouragement that I thought she could raise much more--which she definitely has both the skills and the contacts to do). I chatted my colleague and said, "I don't want to help people raise $500, I want to help people raise $5 million!"

This sentiment is a direct result of my experiences at the IPA. John and the rest of the IPA crew often thought big, huge even: they bought a distribution company to help get our member publications out to a wider audiences, then brokered deals with Barnes and Noble and Borders to increase that reach (I know, the hardcore lefties are rolling their eyes, but we ain't gonna win over 'the masses' if the only place we're trying to reach them is in radical enclaves like Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley). The IPA advocated to get indie publishers to use recycled paper, started an advertising co-op to help its members generate more sustainable revenue, and launched a project to get more articles by journalists of color in the still-embarassingly-White-male-dominated left press.

My head spins now thinking of all the IPA accomplished in such a short period of time. John and co. thought big, went big, won big. It's an attitude and approach I think many leftists--especially folks working at the grassroots, like me--could do well to embrace.

2. My opinions matter, my politics are important, people will listen to me. I didn't have years and years of writing and publishing experience before I joined the IPA staff. But for some reason the good folks there still paid attention to me, still took what I said and considered it valuable enough to maybe put into practice in terms of policy or programs. It amazes me now when I reflect on that time that they took anything I said very seriously! I was young and more than a little arrogant, and wore my radical politics on my sleeve (a fashionably chic sleeve, of course), sometimes alienating the very people that I needed to work with to accomplish our big goals. This meant a great deal to me, and I don't think I even realized it until now, at 35 years old. It makes a big difference in one's self-confidence to have people you respect and admire and who are accomplishing great things in the world stop and listen to what you have to say.

And at the IPA, we listened to our members, too. The importance of this seemingly simple act cannot be underestimated. These publishers were small, grassroots media-makers--the kind that the big trade associations, distribution companies and bookstore chains didn't listen to, because they didn't have to or necessarily want to. The IPA helped change that, because we listened to our members, asked them what they needed, and took it upon ourselves to figure out ways to give it them. The last round of IPA management obviously didn't do that, as many different accounts tell. Bumping members off the email list because they were critical of organizational practices or asking board members to resign--I can't even imagine even thinking about doing those things when I was Membership Director at IPA. The members didn't 'help us' fulfill our mission, the members were our mission. Listening to them wasn't a nice thing to do to make them feel better, it was our job. It's a perspective that I've grown to take as a given in my line of work with nonprofit grassroots organizations, and sometimes I forget that most of the world doesn't operate on this assumption: that you have to listen to your constituents, the folks whom you are serving, the people who are most impacted by the problems you are trying to find solutions for.

But these lessons weren't just imparted to me--I'm sure that many members of what was once the IPA would agree: the IPA's ambitious vision--for an indie press that could sustain itself financially and reach tens if not hundreds of thousands of more people, that could help sway the hearts and minds of the 'unconverted' masses that need to be won over if we are to build a real movement for social justice in this country--this vision and the programs and infrastructure the IPA created to help realize it, taught all of us that we could dream big, that we could do more, and that we could, one day, if we struggled through our differences and kept our eyes on the prize and were willing to think outside the box, build the kind of world that we'd only dreamed of.

Of course, that vision has not been realized, not even close, but it's incredibly reassuring to know that we've stepped a little closer to it, and that we even held parts of it in our hands.

Rest in peace, IPA. And may the lessons you taught us stay with us for a long, long time.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Procrastination is...

...I don't feel like being on a schedule. I want to just sleep in and relax and take my time getting up, and then later on go eat ice cream from Mitchell's in the Mission.

...I want to go have brunch at my friends' place and hang out eating waffles and turkey sausage and drinking french-pressed coffee 'til 3:30pm.

...I don't want to go do my laundry like a good girl, I don't care if I the only truly clean pants I have left to wear are the brown polyester slacks I bought in a rush to wear for a training one day, which I for some reason refuse to get rid of even though they are completely unflattering in every way.

...I want to go have dim sum with Efren and Howard in Daly City and then go to Target and buy meaningless trinkets, toiletries and office supplies.

...I don't want to have to go to work tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day. I want to be on vacation and laying on a beach in Maui.

...I want to stay here and cuddle with my sweetie in bed, because we were out late last night at the Leftist Lounge where H. spun a solid set that had the whole floor groovin'. Hate to say it but the other DJ's we heard were pretty sucky.

...I don't want to do the hundreds of pages of reading I have to finish by June 27 for VONA because I'm tired of reading student manuscripts and wish I could just re-watch Seasons 2 and 2.5 of Battlestar Galactica instead.

But most of all I want to stop feeling like a lethargic piece or warm rubber, so I will stop complaining now about all the things I want and don't want to do, and go be a good little Capricorn girl and wash my undies and jeans.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Cafes Make Me Happy

I'm sitting in Gaylord's Caffe Espresso on Piedmont Avenue, procrastinating from finishing my short story to submit at writing workshop tomorrow, but I've found this cool travel web site called Jaunted, which you can search to find cool things to do and see and visit when you travel all around the world (which I want to do more of).

Jaunted has awesome cafe listings, which made me realize how much I enjoy cafes. To write in, to hang out in, to read in, to drink coffee or tea in, or just to people watch in. I love how in cafes you can be 'alone' and enjoying your own little anti-social activity, but still be surrounded by a mess of people and therefore not feel 'lonely'.

I wish I'd known about Jaunted when I was in Manhattan a couple months ago and ended up at a random cafe in Soho because it was the only one that looked half-cool and wasn't packed with too-trendy hipsters being painfully self-conscious and stylish.

I also recently joined a couple of Flickr's cafe-photo groups. I especially love the photos of Parisian or French-inspired cafes. The French and the Italian have the whole cafe thing down.

Maybe one day I'll post my list of favorite cafes, and why they make me happy. In the meantime, I've got to finish my story.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Edit Mode

An in revision mode for a short story I've been writing off and on for about two years. The story just got critiqued in a workshop I'm in with Junse Kim, an excellent teacher by the way, you can find him teaching public classes through The Writing Salon in San Francisco.

I also submitted the same story for Jessica Hagedorn's character development workshop that I'm doing in a few weeks at Voices of our Nations or VONA. I'm excited to finally study with La Hagedorn (as Bino calls her. I wrote my undergraduate thesis on her work.

I'm super-excited to study with Chris Abani. I've heard he's a great teacher, and his writing just kicks ass. I'll be getting my sci-fi novel (yes, the same one--it takes a long time to write a book when you're working full-time) workshopped in his class.

I lied, actually, because I'm not just in edit mode: in a few days, when I turn this story in for another round of workshopping, I'll have to start doing tons of reading, since Abani's workshop, dubbed the "Complete Novel" workshop, requires each student to turn in at least 100 pages of their manuscript, and I want to finish Abani's The Virgin of Flames before then too.

Wish me luck...Con Cariño,
Rona

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Slideshow time

So for those of you that have been asking (and those of you who haven't), here's the link to photos from my trip to the Philippines, complete with caption-'narration' so you can make sense of what you're seeing.

I had a little reportback brunch today (thanks to Germz, Efren and Howard, among others, for coming) with friends who supported my trip (I fundraised for a good portion of my expenses, which really helped a lot with both my trip to meet my father in Philadelphia and my trip to the Philippines) and one friend asked me to sum up my trip to the PI in one word. I thought for a moment, then said, 'Intense.' If it's not anything else, the Philippines can be a very intense place.

From the nearly daily 100 degree heat and ridiculously oppressive humidity that made my ankles swell up to the culture shock of a nation where Catholicism and Christianity and colonialism are so deeply embedded in the culture but still strangely unrecognizable at times, from the intensity of being around so many family members at once and for an extended time period to the emotional overwhelm of meeting all my relatives for the first time, this trip was quite an experience. But I'm glad I went, and glad that I survived, and I can safely and confidently say that I am a better person for it.

It's strange how connecting with family--long-lost and otherwise--can somehow ground you in a stronger sense of yourself. It's about touching your roots and knowing your history, yes, but it's also about knowing that you are not just a product of your family and upbringing either, that you have choices and privileges and outside experiences that shape you and make you the person you are. I've realized how rich my life is, and how much I have done to build myself up after having some traumatic experiences with family in the past, and now that I know that I have blood-family that I never knew existed before, now that I've made those face-to-face connections and lived amongst my kin, I know that everything leading up this springtime of journeys had a purpose and was part of my preparation for these realizations.

Okay, enough philosophizing and self-analysis. I hope you enjoy the slideshow.

Peace,
Rona

Thursday, May 24, 2007

The problem with me...

...is that when i get into things, like really into things, i can get a bit obsessive. Take, for example, Flickr, which i used to post my pictures from my recent trip to the Philippines (as well as my photos from my trip to Europe over a year ago!). I have hardly used it in the year or two that I've had a Flickr account, but after uploading almost 100 photos from this last journey--a process which took me at least an hour a day for three days--I'm starting to feel like I can't live without it. So at least twice a day, I've been visiting Flickr to check out mine and other people's photos. And I've finally put one of those super-narcisstic Flickr zeitgist thingies on my blog (see right). But then again, that's what a blog is all about, right? Narcissism? (Did i spell that right?)

I'm hoping that the fact that I don't blog much anymore shows that I'm not a narcissist. Or maybe that I just have my dysfunctional needs for self-aggrandizement fulfilled elsewhere? Hmm...

Friday, May 11, 2007

I Shall Return (to the Philippines), But For Now...

I am fine with staying in the US for a little while, maybe another year before I venture overseas or across borders again. Yes, I've returned from the Philippines, where I spent two weeks drenched in sweat in the sauna-like heat of Lingayen, Pangasinan, the provincial capital about five hours northwest of Manila. I'll write more later, but here's a few quick pictures of the trip. In short, although my trip was brief and only gave me a glimpse at life in Las Islas Filipinas, it opened my eyes to many new insights about my family, my culture, my people and myself. And I got to be a tourist and see some cool sites too. I was in Manila, Lingayen, Dagupan (my father's hometown), Calasiao (my mother's hometown), Baguio City, Manaoag and Aringay (La Union province).




Local and national elections were set to take place just a week after I returned, so there were lots of political campaign posters and other advertisements (like roving trucks playing candidates' individual jingles) in the streets of every town and city we visited.





This was my first breakfast in the Philippines--a veritable feast of fried Spam, Puto Calasiao, fried eggs, white bread, coffee, steamed rice and fresh papaya.

This is the view from Mines View Park observation deck in Baguio. Baguio was cool and pleasant, and reminded me a lot of my home here in the Bay Area. We came to Baguio twice to escape the stifling heat and humidity of the province, sightsee and do some shopping.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Preparing for My Journeys

I've been feeling a bit up-and-down recently, experiencing an emotional roller coaster of sorts regarding my upcoming trips to visit my father for the first time (hopefully, it's been difficult trying to get in touch with him) and also go to the Philippines for the first time.

I have to say, there's nothing like serendipitous incidents to make me realize that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing right now in my life. For example, yesterday I picked up a book at a used bookstore the other day, a travel guide to Philadelphia, which is the nearest big city to where my father lives. After thumbing through it randomly for a few moments, I looked up 'Chinatown' in the index (I'm always curious to see what Asian communities / neighborhoods are like in places outside the Bay Area). In the corresponding section, which was very short, was a brief description of some of the main Philly Chinatown sights, including a lion gate donated to the City of Brotherly Love by its sister-city, Tianjin, China. This happens to be the city that my partner's father is from. It was almost spooky.

Yesterday, I also went to hear Walden Bello speak at a public form organized by some activist friends of mine in the Filipino community. I heard Walden speak a few years ago in Berkeley, and his sharp intellect, practical reasoning and understated but very visible passion for advancing the political, social and economic evolution of Philippine society (and global society as a whole) is refreshing, inspiring and absolutely necessary to witness during these dark days of the Bush administration running amok in Iraq and global capital's disastrous impact on the Earth and Her people (aka climate change).

Walden is running for a seat in the federal Congress of the Philippines, and the gathering was something of a campaign event--although not a fundraiser for his campaign since (and rightly so) Philippine candidates cannot legally accept foreign donations. It so happens that there is going to be a major election in the Philippines on May 14, 2007, just a few days after I am scheduled to depart. Already there are suspicions and warnings of coming election fraud, such as the sudden fire that burned down the Philippine elections commission office in Intramuros, Manila. And although these developments scare me a little--no doubt the travel conditions will be a bit more dangerous during this time--I am actually excited about being in the country during a time when so much will be happening politically, and when I may be able to witness some of the amazing movement work in the Philippines that I have heard and read so much about over the past ten years.

So I feel that I'm doing the right thing, that my feet are planted firmly on the path and in the right direction, and although I am still feeling a little scared and a little excited and a little apprehensive about these trips all at the same time, I can't imagine taking these journeys at any other time in my life than right now.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Tempted

I'm tempted to just quit this blogging business altogether. I mean, what's the damn point of having a blog that you don't write new posts for and which is hardly read? Okay, I do know that I have a small but loyal following so perhaps I'm being a bit ungrateful and bitter. But, it's really not about a lack of gratitude or bitterness, it's more a question of whether I feel like I can spend my precious 'writing time'--the minutes and hours that I actually spend in the act of writing stories, poems or drafts thereof--writing for a self-important blog, or whether I should just spend that time working on more substantial items.

It's a tough dilemma for me, because once the writing bug bites me--and she seems to be a seasonal insect--I do feel the need to write often, in various media, and for various audiences. My writings in the blogosphere provoke a certain response from certain people--people whom I otherwise might never communicate with or who might never read another word of my writing. So I do find a certain satisfaction in maintaining this--albeit fragile, thread-like--connection to this 'readership', if one could even call it that. It really is more of a loose community, a network of people who bandy about ideas, opinions and random announcements the way circus jugglers throw balls around, except we throw them to each other too, and then the balls get bigger, and sometimes they smash like glass on the ground...and, well, enough for that analogy.

Okay, I'll leave it at that, for now. No grand pronouncements or announcements that I will be discontinuing my blog, or that I will strive to write once per week or more, or that I will post nude pictures of my friends here for the viewing pleasure of my anonymous visitors. Just another little blog-post-blip in the vast swirling universe of the blogosphere. I've vented and gotten this bit of frustration off my chest.

Just my little two cent contribution. Thanks for listening.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

The Morning After the Birthday Bash

No, I'm not hungover today from my birthday party last night. I didn't need to get drunk to be high on the vibe that we created last night, me and about 40 of my friends and family (and I don't mean blood-family, necessarily, I mean REAL family). I was blessed with a beautiful birthday celebration last night organized in part by a few close friends--Ayoka and Ntanya (thank you for the decorations and everything else!), Minda (always got my back girl), Brandon (on the 1's and 2's), Agustin (muchisimas gracias, amigo) and Henry.

We danced, drank and ate scrumptious Cuban-fusion food at La Taza de Cafe, a relatively new spot on Grand Avenue near Safeway in Oakland (up the street from the Grand Lake Theater). The vibe was great, the room was beautiful, and the sangria was just right. Some folks also enjoyed the Cuban rum and other goodies downstairs (mojitos or cigars, anyone?). It's a sweet spot for brunch, dinner and drinks, and the owner, Daniel, and his staff were the most gracious of hosts. And the parking is really convenient to boot.

In my 35 years of life I've worked to create a community of friends who are fierce, kind, compassionate and eclectic souls. I looked around the room a few times last night and realized that my efforts have been well-rewarded: queer and straight folks, folks of all colors and creeds, beautiful and grounded in themselves surrounded me with love and support. My friend D. said it best I think, when he loooked around and said, in his inimitably opinionated way, 'Wow, this is really diverse." I am truly blessed to have these people in my life, and I pat myself on the back too, for going the extra mile to build a loving family who has my back. Sometimes I forget about this fact, when I'm down or feeling frustrated by the challenges of life. Last night reminded me in a huge way that I am not alone and that I am loved.

You can see some pics of folks gettin' down here (dancing is mandatory at my parties, even for the most boogie-shy of folks) and chillin'. I didn't get a pic of my dress and shoes but they were CUTE, trust me (imagine ruby-red peep-toe patent leather pumps with my halter dress). This was also a fundraiser for me to take my first-ever trip to the Philippines this year, and folks blessed me with a signficant part of my travel fund. Thank you to everyone who attended and made my birthday so special.

Blessings,
Rona






Saturday, January 06, 2007

On Turning 35 and the Year of the Golden Pig

A few days ago (December 30th, to be exact, for those of you who are keeping track), I turned 35 years old. It doesn't feel that weird. I think 30 was a much bigger milestone for me---the big THREE-O. But 35 feels like a stop in the road of life, and a brief one at that. Yes, I have a few more lines around my eyes and my skin is thinner than it used to be. Yes, I need to lose a few pounds if I want to continue fitting into some of my clothes. Yes, I feel older and wiser, and those two things are inextricably linked, I've come to see. I'm definitely not the same person I was five or ten years ago, but I am also not completely different.

I'm having two birthday parties--in grand Capricorn fashion--for my 35th birthday celebration, not including a small, intimate party I had on my actual birthday with a few friends. (If you want the details about the party--although you've probably already been bombarded by my Evites--email me privately, I'm not about to post that info on my blog!) A friend encouraged me to have a big party for my 35th, saying that we often never celebrated ourselves unless we were getting married or were dead. Birthdays, to me, have always been an important time, a time when we reflect for a moment on where we are in life, where we'd like to be. A time when we bring friends together to feel that they love us and to celebrate life with them. And a time when we may even ask for a little something for ourselves.

The 'little something' for me this year is a trip to visit my father for the first time, as well as a first-ever trip to the Philippines. So if the coming and going of my 35th birthday seemed somewhat normal and uneventful, just another notch on the birthday belt (although if you talk to me after the big party I will probably say something different), these trips I'm sure will be huge life-changing experiences for me.

I've never known my father, and like so many people whose fathers were absent from their lives growing up, I have a mass of conflicting emotions about finally meeting him and possibly building a relationship with him. Firstly, i have a lot of anger, anger that has been sometimes aimed at other people, but really belongs to him. He left my mother and I before we were born, never gave us a dime or sent me so much as a birthday card. My mom was forced to raise me on her own, with the help of friends and family. And while I never regret that that was my path in life, I know that not having a father has caused me a lot of pain and grief. It has also taught me a lot of good things, and I am grateful to my mother for her role in raising me despite the obstacles that his leaving posed for her.

But secondly, I have a lot of hope and excitement, as well as fear. How is my father going to respond to me? What the hell am I going to say to him? Will I just yell at him and leave? I hope not. Will I ever want to see him again?

I also have two half-sisters that I have never met, my father's children with another woman. He wrote me a letter (when I was already an adultl; no doubt his mid-life crisis forced him to deal with me to assuage his guilty conscience) saying that they really wanted to get to know me. It's strange to think that somewhere out there are two women who may look like me, talk like me, who are blood-related to me but whose names and faces I do not know.

So the first trip I will be taking is to find and meet my father and sisters (yes, I've seen Antwone Fisher; I'm trying not to get my hopes up, though, that my father's family will be as welcoming or loving). And then in April 2007 (most likely) I will be taking my first-ever trip to the Philippines, where my maternal grandmother and aunt and many cousins still live. I've been estranged from my blood-family for many years now; my mother's one big flaw was a marriage to an abusive step-father that resulted in me being pushed out of my extended blood-family. But in recent years I've been trying to establish more ties with my family from the Philippines. It's an important trip for me, as the trip to see my father is, and I know that I can't move forward with the next phase of my life--planning for and starting my own family--without making these journeys and coming to peace with the families that I have had so many mixed emotions about.

And to connect this all back with my birthday, I will be asking my extended family of friends, comrades and colleagues who come to my birthday festivities to contribute to my travel fund. Working for nonprofits for the last eleven years has not helped me build a huge cash-reserve, and I'm hoping that all the fundraising I've done for others has bought me enough good karma to raise a couple thousand dollars. It's the best birthday gift I could ever get.

And lastly, I feel optimistic about my birthday fundraising efforts in part because, starting in February, we will be in the year of the Golden Pig (Chinese calendar). This means that 2007 will be a good year for saving and making money, and that babies born in this year will be rich (or that's what's supposed to happen anyway). And those of us (like me) fortunate enough to be born pigs should have especially good years. I've even asked my co-workers (who are mostly Latino) to start calling me 'Cochinita Dorada' (the little golden pig) to get the good luck flowing early.

So wish me luck and fortune in this year of the Golden Pig, and I do the same to you. Happy new year!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Rest in Funkiness, James Brown



I can't say more than that he was a true innovator, and a man who changed music forever. Funk on, JB.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Mostly True Generalization #1

Men think they don't need help at times when they actually do; women think they need help at times when they actually don't.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukah....

I just got off the phone with a friend who is Jewish, married to a Christian, and has adopted two African-American girls. When I asked if they were going out of town for the holidays he answered, almost breathlessly, "We haven't had time to go anywhere." Except, that is, to various holiday engagements, including nightly Kwanzaa celebrations (each night of Kwanzaa is an opportunity for a family or community gathering). I suggested to him that maybe they consider rolling all the different holidays into one big one that they can rename something all-encompassing....'Winter festival' or something equally non-sectarian and inocuous. But it's not so simple as that, of course, as we all have our nostalgic, sentimental, or spiritual ties to the particular holiday that we grew up celebrating (or we had such negative experiences growing up with those holidays that we've discarded them in favor of new traditions; either way, they've got an emotional hold on us).

I like to think of this time of year as a Season of Lights; a season that's cold and dreary, which is why we feel compelled to chase away the darkness and the blues with colorful lights, fancy wrapped presents, comforting food and the warmth and friendship of our loved ones. There's a reason why pretty much every culture in the world does something to celebrate during the colder winter months. We're pretty smart animals in some ways, we humans, even if we are messing up the planet.

And while I celebrate Christmas, I make sure not to homogeneize the holidays into something superficially Christian. I find it interesting that my hard-core Jewish co-worker just wished me a 'Merry Christmas'. I feel a little awkward saying 'Happy Hanukah' so I go for the generic 'Have a good holiday'. It's just a lot easier and less likely to offend.

Whatever you call these cold days of winter revelry, I hope you stay warm, fed, nourished and comforted by all the magic and positive energy that the season brings. If only for once a year, I do have hope that people's hearts open a little bit bigger this time of year. I hope yours does too.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Emotional Bulimia

As I trudged up the hill to my apartment from the bus stop, I considered the possibility of writing a memoir before I finish my novel. Now, this could just be another trick, a distraction that my mind is throwing into the ring of my consciousness to keep me from finishing the sci-fi/fantasy novel I started almost six years ago. Or, it could be my consciousness' way of demanding space and attention for my lifestory. Indeed, as I listened to my knees creak during the last few paces at the top of the hill, I realized, 'I am not getting any younger.'

I have done many things that most people never get a chance to do. Protested in front of the White House. Raised $100K-plus for an organization I care about. Confronted my abuser (my step-father) about the sexual abuse he perpetrated on me. Traveled to Cuba. Gotten arrested on Market Street for 'harassing' a police officer. Stayed at a commune on the California-Oregon border, complete with communal 'shitter' (outhouse) and naked men cooking me breakfast. I have a lot of material to work with.

And I wonder if I should do this before the novel because so much of 'me' is coming out in Tala Zaal, my protagonist; and I wonder if it's because I haven't gotten enough of the 'real me' out into my essays, blogs, diaries, etc.? Does the 'real Rona' need to get some stuff off her chest and out into the world before the fictional characters that populate my imagination can fully realize themselves?

Perhaps it's the winter holiday season (also the season of my birthday) that brings upon this introspective thought-train. Winter has always been a time of turning inwards for me, of examining what I want to be getting out of my life and what I want don't want to be. It is a time of reckoning, of evaluation, of turning to look at the year (or years) past and ask myself, 'What am I proud of? What have I accomplished? Am I any closer to leaving a mark on this world? Am I happy?'

I was told today by an author and fellow fundraiser that I admire greatly that she really enjoyed my blogpost on 'An Inconvenient Truth'. I'm sure that's one of the reasons this crazy idea of a memoir is haunting my thoughts. And the fact that the day after tomorrow is Thanksgiving/taking and I haven't any real plan for celebrating or non-celebrating the holiday for the first time in probably my whole life is quite sobering, and liberating at the same time.

I guess I think a memoir could serve as a means of catharsis, or a kind of emotional bulimia--I've scarfed down all these experiences, emotions, ideas, etc. and I want to puke them out into the world. Clear my system, as it were. Not a pretty image but it feels right. And sometimes--no, often--real healing and the moving forward that follows soon after is not pretty, but it is right, and necessary, and unavoidable.

Thoughts, anyone?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Tempest? More Like a Drizzle

Got my November issue of Filipinas magazine and saw that the 'Bebot' video had made a cover headline. Of course, FilMag is coming to the party a little late, as this 'controversy' has been swirling around the Internet for a few months now, and seems to have pretty much died down. I hadn't paid much attention to the brouhaha myself--I first saw the open letter that 13 academics had signed on to accusing the Black Eyed Peas' 'Bebot' video of being degrading to Pinays and thought it sounded a bit silly and tired--until I read the FilMag article, but I find the whole situation rather amusing from my unique 'insider-outsider' position.

Why 'insider-outsider'? I'm Pinay (born in the US) and I happen to know or know of a few of the people who signed the letter. I'm college-educated (UC Berkeley cum laude 1995), consider myself a feminist and radical activist, and have been tangentially involved in Filipino-American politics for the last ten years or so. I've 'been there done that' when it comes to protesting 'stereotypical' representations of people of color, women, etc. I also love to dance salsa, reggaeton, even hip-hop and go to clubs every so often. Lastly, I work at an organization that works mostly with high school-age youth, so I know from firsthand experience what young people are listening to, dancing to, and wearing these days.

I actually didnt' see the 'Bebot' video until today, when I was compelled to finally see what all the fuss was about. And I have to admit, I kept waiting for the 'offensive', 'degrading' images of Pinays to appear. Maybe I've spent too much time outside academia and in the real world, or maybe I've been desensitized by the much more raunchy lyrics and images I hear and see in other hip-hop music and videos, but I didn't see what the big deal was. The video just looked like a bunch of Pinoys at a party. The girls weren't super-scantily dressed by regular rap-video standards--which I admit are pretty low, but I've seen 40-year-old women at salsa clubs wear less than what some of those young Pinays were wearing. I didn't see any crazy grinding and lapdancing happening in the video, which seems to be par for the course in other rap videos nowadays. There were even b-girls doing their thing, not wearing bikinis like they might in a Jay-Z video but wearing jeans and t-shirts. And I didn't see any close-up booty-shots of Pinays in butt-hugging Daisy Dukes.

All in all, it looked a little bit like a scene out of 'The Debut', with more of a hip-hop/urban edge. I don't think anyone would call that movie degrading to Pinays. Maybe a little mainstream and 'stereotypical' in its portrayal of 'good Filipino girls', yes, but degrading? I don't think so.

I still don't get what the fuss was all about, or why the Black Eyed Peas and their supporters even felt the need to respond to the 13 academics. Does 13 people publishing an open letter about a music video that maybe a few milion people have seen and probably like or didn't even think twice about merit being called a 'tempest' as the Filipinas Magazine called it? Was this really a 'storm of controversy'?

The letter actually reminded me a lot of feminists like Andrea Dworkin who think porn and Playboy and really, anything remotely sexual, are the most vile things on the planet. I disagree. While I agree with the academics that Pinays are portrayed in degrading and over-sexualized ways in the majority of mainstream American media, I also think that it's okay to show Pinays dancing in a club with their bellies bared and not be degrading them. Their rhetoric almost borders on being puritanical, and since I know these folks are educated Fil-Ams, I doubt that their concerns regarding this video are moralistic in a Catholic way.

It's funny, because when I went to Cuba, the women and girls there dress very provocatively (more provocatively than in the 'Bebot' video, for sure), but at the same time are empowered with accessible and free birth control and reproductive health options that keep them more in control of their bodies and their sexuality than many Third World women. Also, beauty wasn't limited to only skinny or light-skinned women, but women of all body types and skin colors. Sexuality and sensuality between men and women is very open and normal in Cuban society, where men winking or whistling at women is common and not simply a sign of 'degradation.' That experience taught me that just because a woman was being seen as a sexual being didn't mean she was being degraded. I wonder if we'll ever get to that enlightened place in this country, or at least in the Filipino-American community. I'm not holding my breath for that moment, though.

All this is to say is that I still don't get what all the fuss is about. I like the song, I like the video (although I liked the original 'Generation One' version better for its portrayal of Filipino manongs in Stockton), and that's about it. Does it play into the American male fantasy of the docile, oversexualized Pinay? Probably, but so do non-scantily clad young Pinays walking down the street together. I don't think this video contributes to that stereotype in a gross way. Does that stereotypical image exist? Of course. If people want to change the fact that images of scantily clad, booty-shaking women are part of music labels' commercial formula for hip-hop music videos, by all means go ahead and do so. But send your protest letter to the people with power--the music labels--not the artists, who in this case had wanted a different video, one with more political overtones, shown in the first place.

Maybe folks should spend more time trying to make images of Pinays that they feel are positive rather than just criticizing others for trying to do the same. Or making sure that all women have access to economic and sexual health choices that give them the option to be sexual or not, with whomever they want.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Naked, Elections

Did that get your attention?

I thought I'd break my blog silence because I Googled myself today (as I do every so often just to see what the world's been saying about me---usually not a whole lot but sometimes an interesting tidbit pops up) and I saw that 'Rina Fernandez naked' popped up as the first hit. Now, I still don't really know who Rina Fernandez is (a B-list Latina actress I think) but I sure as hell don't want her naked picture link to pop us when someone Googles MY name.

The other reason I thought I'd call off my blog-break is because this Tuesday is an important election here in Oakland, and especially in my neighborhood: Aimee Allison is about to (hopefully) unseat special-elections-incumbent Pat Kernighan for the District 2 City Council seat. This is an important seat to win, with Ron Dellums coming into office in January 2007 and the Oakland City Council still fairly dominated by corporate/downtown development sympathizers who have made it very difficult for progressive activists to make any positive change in Oakland over the past several years. With a real progressive on the Council and Ron Dellums in the Mayor's office, we'd have a better chance of seeing some important changes take place, including more affordable housing, better jobs, and a lower homicide/ crime rate in Oakland.

So if you live in District 2 and you're registered to vote, please vote for Aimee Allison. She's a political outsider who's down with the people, for God's sake. And if there's one less thing we need in Oakland it's a cog in the De La Fuente political machine.

There's also a bunch of other good and nasty stuff on this November's ballot (like Proposition 85, which would make it mandatory for girls under 18 to tell their parents if they are planning to have an abortion). I pretty much agree with everything the San Francisco Bay Guardian has to stay about this election, so print and take it with you to the polls.

Happy voting,
Rona

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Real Break, I Promise

I said I was taking a break from bloggin a while back, then the one-year anniversary of Katrina came, and then I saw 'An Inconvenient Truth', and blah blah blah. But I'm finding this blog to be more burdensome than stimulating, and I have many other things to do--like help organize a fabulous fundraising event for the Asian Pacific Environmental Network on October 13th and organizing the 10th anniversary events for Californians for Justice, my stressful but amazing and rewarding 'day job'--or vocation, take your pick (yes, they can be the same thing!).

And I need to connect with people---probably some of you reading this---more face to face, like real human beings do. After all, I'm just not really one of those super-self-centered people that have to blog every frickin' day.

Hasta Luego,
Rona

Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Three Big Ones

I want to take on a new task: to write about the three major influences over my life--spirituality, organization and art. I was thinking this morning that these are the factors/themes that have had the most impact on me as a human being, an artist, an activist; that I see the world through these three lenses. Of course, in many ways they are not distinct or separate from each other. There are aspects of organization in art and spirituality, and aspects of spirituality in organization and art (when, of course, they are at their best).

So I'm going to take on this blog 'project' over the course of the next few months. I may blog about other things in-between, but I want to explore these themes with you, dear reader, and myself, in order to better understand not only what makes me tick, but how these three powerful aspects of life affect each other, affect all of us, through their dynamic interaction and interplay.

Hope to post the first part of this blog project soon...
R.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

A Permanent Shift

Finally saw An Inconvenient Truth' last night at the Grand Lake Theater. If you haven't seen it already, you must go. I'm going to go out on a limb and possibly sound like one of those hokey movie reviewers or deep-voiced movie trailer announcers and say, 'It's the most important film of the year.' And possibly, of our lives.

That sounds dramatic, but what we are collectively doing to destroy this beautiful, precious, endangered planet called earth is more than dramatic--it is unconscionable.

I already knew about a lot of the concepts and ideas that Al Gore puts out in his excellent, highly informative slideshow on global warming (which is captured in the film). How global warming works, that the massive glaciers that have been part of the Earth's delicately balanced ecosystem have been breaking off in huge chunks over the past several years, etc. I knew about all that. I'd gotten the emails, read the articles, talked to people about it, made the connection (which seems obvious in my mind) between global warming and the devastation of Katrina.

But despite the fact that I live in the Bay Area, which is one of the most progressive (if not the most progressive) areas of the country, especially in terms of consciousness around environmental issues (in urban/inner-city Oakland, you can compost through the City's own program, for God's sake), I still hadn't felt the real weight and moral responsibility of knowing all these things until I saw Mr. Gore and his film last night.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. Or maybe I should say like a ton of CO2 emissions.

As I blogged right after Katrina, I had always wanted to go to New Orleans. I'd heard so many stories from friends, through books and movies, about this magical, strange city. But now, New Orleans--despite the tourist industry's promise to 'let the good times roll' again--will never be the city it once was. Not when thousands of Black residents who'd lived there for generations--in the Lower Ninth Ward and other parts of the city and region--are not being allowed the right to return to that city. Like many others, I thought that New Orleans would always be there, a gumbo- stew-city of music, dance and voodoo magic.

But it's gone--or at least, what it was is gone. And global warming was a huge factor in creating the massive hurricane called Katrina which destroyed New Orleans--and huge parts of the Gulf Coast--as we knew it.

One of the most terrifying moments of the film last night was when Mr. Gore talked about how a massive glacial breakoff of parts of Greenland or Antarctica (which is possible in the next fifty years if we don't take steps to curb CO2 emissions now) would result in a 20-foot rise in sea level worldwide. Then he showed in his slideshow images of low-lying areas of the world--the Netherlands, Florida, and the Bay Area among them--and where sea level would rise in those areas.

My hometown of Alameda, California (a small, quaint island city just a couple miles away from where I live now), would most certainly be covered in water. Even here in Oakland, where heavy winter rains regularly prompt store-owners on Lakeshore and Grand Avenues to sandbag their front doors against flooding, Lake Merritt rising twenty feet would devastate whole neighborhoods around it. Last night, I looked out my bedroom window at Park Boulevard and the apartment buildings surrounding it below, and imagined water covering the two-story building just a few hundred yards away.

I don't want to be part of making this the future I leave for my children, or my children's children. I want my children to be able to see my hometown--not as an underwater museum of a bygone era, but as a living, breathing place.

One of the things that struck me during the Raising Change conference that I helped coordinate this past month was the amount of waste that is generated by large gatherings of people like that. And it wasn't even a very large conference: only about 400 people. But after lunch on both days, it was crazy to see garbage cans full of completely recyclable cardboard lunch boxes, half-empty soda cans and bottles, and the ubiquitous empty plastic water bottles. And this was a conference of progressive activists!

For some reason, those images from the conference really struck me, and now I know why--if 400 progressive activists who are mostly aware of the environmental impact of our work and our lifestyles, couldn't pull it together to recycle and lessen our environmental footprint for two days, what hope can we possibly have that the rest of the country will want to do so?

After the conference, almost subconsciously, I started to be aware of how I waste things, and began to take small, everyday steps to lessen the amount of resources I consume: I began collecting 'gray' water in the shower to use to water plants; I finally assembled a compost bin for kitchen scraps; I made a commitment to try to buy all of my clothes used before going to a department store or boutique to buy new; I pledged to walk to work twice a week (I usually take the bus anyway so this is an improvement and would help me get my exercise); I would spend more time in nature, hiking and camping and the like. Of course, I will always be involved organizations that are working to hold the Bush adminstration accountable for the havoc it's wreaked on our environment. All these things are necessary action steps.

I was so shaken, though, after seeing 'An Inconvenient Truth' that I know now that this shift in my consciousness and behavior is no temporary thing. These are life-changes that we all--especially in the U.S.--have to make if we are to continue to inhabit this planet, and pass it on to future generations intact and functioning. No, we cannot completely reverse the damage we've already done, but we can help stave off the worst for decades if not longer.

And for my people of color comrades who think that environmentalism is 'a white thing' or that people taking individual action to reduce, reuse, recycle is just a ruse to distract us from the 'real issues' of oil-and-war-mongering in the Middle East, I challenge you to educate yourselves and take responsibility for your everyday actions. And remember, it's the poor people of color of the Third and First Worlds that suffer the most from global warming's effects--drought in Darfur, Katrina in the Gulf Coast, flooding in India and other places.

Go see the movie. Do your part. I know it sounds cliche, but in this matter, as in many others, each one of us taking some action, however small, however incremental, can make a difference.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Can't Stay Quiet: One Year After Katrina

I know I said I'd take a break but as people all around the country remember and commemorate (a strange word, I think, but that's what people are calling it) the one-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, I find myself unable to stay silent in this very public space. A few things...

...I've added a banner for the Katrina Information Network, through which you can sign up for email alerts about Katrina-related events and actions.

...One year later, I wonder, what has changed? There is a still-unresolved human toll that Katrina took on the people of the Gulf Coast. I went to a great panel the other night organized by the Center for Third World Organizing and TIGRA of women leaders from the US, Philippines and Bolivia. One of the women, Latosha Brown from Saving Our Selves, an organization of Katrina survivors, who spoke of how this anniversary is triggering people's trauma of having lived through such horror and violence, and how two of the organizers she worked with had been killed by their partners, who then killed themselves, in recent weeks. She spoke of how people in the region are having 'meltdowns', as she called them, many finding it difficult if not impossible to cope with the memories of this terrible time last year.

...And although it's frustrating to feel helpless in the face of chronic racism (especially directed at Black Americans) and the systemic causes of poverty and suffering in this country, I know that the little and not-so-little things I do everyday are making a difference, step by small step. From challenging subtle and not-so-subtle anti-Black racism within the predominantly people of color organizations I work within, to challenging this racism within myself and my circles, to giving money to key groups that are doing work to rebuild the Katrina-devastated south, to writing this blog post, there are many things I (and all of us) can do to help change things.

One way I'm trying to contribute is by devoting my time as a board member/fundraiser to help coordinate the Asian Pacific Environmental Network event on Friday, Oct. 13, which will feature Father Vien from New Orleans, who has been working with the Viet community in solidarity with African-Americans there to stop the locating of a toxic dump of Katrina-related waste into their neighborhood.

Of course, I want to do more. I am glad that Project South and other groups are pulling together the first-ever United States Social Forum for next year. Modeled on the World Social Forums that have been taking place in the Global South (the new, more accurate term for the 'Third' or 'developing' world) over the past several years, which have brought together thousands of activists from all over the world to network, educate each other and strategize about how to fight the onslaught of global capital and imperialism, this Forum will be a landmark event for US-based organizations.

I can't wait to watch Spike Lee's new documentary, "When the Levees Broke". I've heard it's powerful. You should watch it too. It's the least anyone can do to 'commemorate' the Katrina anniversary. Color of Change is trying to help people organize viewings of it tomorrow night.

Two key pieces of media/culture during this time: The Legendary KO's 'George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People' Radio mix and Eric Mann's recently released book, Katrina's Legacy: White Racism and Black Reconstruction in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Blog Break

I'm taking a break from blogging. Need to spend time connecting with my peoples face-to-face, old-school quality-time style. Don't worry, I'll be back in a month or so. And there are plenty of links below-left of people's blogs, alternative media sites, etc. to keep you occupied while I'm gone.

See ya,
Rona

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Big Day

Sorry I didn't get to blog about it before the big day finally came, but wish me luck as I embark on the first day of the fundraising and social justice conference I've been organizing for the past year or so. I'm really excited about it; have hardly slept at all these last couple days, but now I gotta conserve my energy and kick some butt tomorrow with my coordination and problem-solving skills. Hopefully everything will go relatively smoothly, and the 400+ participants will be provoked, challenged to think outside the box, engaged and englightened.

And there's also been talk of some folks starting a grassroots fundraisers blog after this! We'll see.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

These Days...

...the conference I am organizing (with Ali Vogt and folks from the Grassroots Fundraising Journal) is taking up much of my time, so blogging is very low on the priority list.

I hope to be able to write about what this conference is all about soon, though, hopefully sometim before the actual conference itself (this Friday and Saturday). Why have I been spending several hours a day or week working on this gathering? Why is it to important to me and the 400 other paricipants that will be coming from all over the country (as well as Canada, Brazil, Korea and possibly Africa?).

Tune in soon to find out.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Real Heat

The heatwave that's hit the Bay Area over the past week or so has been blistering, dry, supremely uncomfortable. It's hard to do anything (unless you're in an air conditioned car, mall or office) and not be reminded constantly of the heat.

But this is not 'real' heat. I keep thinking of the heat radiating from buildings that are blown up from US-provided bombs, flown by planes run on US-supplied fuel. I think of Lebanese and Palestinian people and the heat they are feeling, the real heat, on a daily basis, of bombing and fire and death. I think of the innocent children that are dying everyday. Jan in SanFran posts an important reminder in the form of a letter from her friend Tina in Lebanon:

"If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area: imagine an earthquake happening everyday.

Imagine yourself with Oakland Airport destroyed. and next day with the Bay Bridge down again. and then the San Mateo Bridge and then the Golden Gate. and then the San Francisco airport. And then the phone lines falling silent, one neighborhood at a time. Imagine a power plant having its fuel tanks bombed, burning and going up smoke.

Around you, every day, more houses are flattened.

You can't go north. You can't go east. You can't go south. You are trapped."


But the US and other mainstream media continue to paint the suffering in the Middle East in very Israeli-focused terms, as if the lives of Arab people (and Arab people are Christian and Muslim and Jewish, especially in Lebanon) are not really worth as much, as if we don't need to see their suffering, as if their suffering is only an unfortuante consequence. As if these people are not being massacred.

Remember: over 10 times as many Lebanese people than Israelis (mostly civilians) have died in the past several days.

Remember: the messages are skewed.

Remember: these images from Electronic Intifada, of Israeli children writing messages (one can only guess what the messages say) on bombs and bullets that will be used to kill other children in Gaza, in Lebanon.

Remember, we are not invincible, untouchable. We are only human, too. And we can all do something about this tragedy.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Insomnia, New Links and a Promise

I can't sleep thanks to a small late-night dose of caffeine that is keeping me too alert to relax, so I thought I'd kill time and brain energy on maintaining the blog. I've categorized my 'Big World' links and added several new links overall, including:

Nalo Hopkinson, because she's a dope Afro-Caribbean/Canadian SF writer who uses lots of Caribbean dialect and cultural references in her work. I've read her short story collection, Skin Folk, and have her first novel (published in 1997), Brown Girl in the Ring on my bookshelf waiting to be read.

Steven Barnes, a sort of SF renaissance man, who's written novels, for magazines, television, you name it. He's also the first blogger I found who'd written about Octavia Butler's death. Steven and his wife, fellow horror/SF writer Tananarive Due, were friends of Octavia's.

Samiya Bashir, an old college friend of mine whom I haven't seen in years but whose work I stumble across here and there in bookstores. A poet/writer and editor, Samiya edited Best Black Women's Erotica 2 anthology and was formerly an editor at Black Issues Book Review.

I've beefed up my new 'Politics and Power' list of links to include the Bay Area Immigrant Rights Coalition, which has been instrumental in pulling together local protests and other actions in response to the federal anti-immigrant legislation that is still pending in Congress. I've also added Filipino American Coalition for Environmental Solidarity (FACES), whose house party fundraiser I attended a few months ago, and Filipinos for Affirmative Action, one of the organizations where I cut my political teeth back in the mid-1990s. FAA also held a conference recently that I attended; a couple pics are on their homepage.

Also added several timely links relating to Palestine, Lebanon and Israel given the current war raging in the Middle East. One thing I'm struck by when I travel outside the US or meet people from other countries is how much more knowledgeable non-Americans are about world politics and current events. It's up to us to change that, and educating ourselves is the first step to helping change what our country is doing to (generally) mess up what other folks have been struggling hard to fix in their own countries. I've also added a couple links about Haiti, another place where the US has intervened even though it's none of our damn business and caused a lot of suffering.

And the promise is that I will write very soon about the conference I'm organizing, Raising Change: A Social Justice Fundraising Conference, which is taking place in Berkeley in just two weeks! I can't believe it. After more than a year working on this thing, it's hard to imagine that in a few weeks it'll be all over (the conference, at least; hopefully the post-conference buzz and movement-building will continue long past August). There's even been talk about a social justice fundraising blog being started out of this conference and continuing for as long as we can make it happen; keep an eye out for further developments.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Lebanon, Palestine, Israel

Because he is both more knowledgable and eloquent than I am in writing about these issues, I am sharing with you the words of my friend and comrade Max Elbaum, who has written for War Times and other publications, and is the author of Revolution in the Air.

It is at times like this that I am flabbergasted that anyone can take the American government seriously when it speaks for us and says it supports 'human rights' and 'democracy'. Who can blame anyone who equates the U.S. government with violence, imperialism and oppression?

Thanks Max, for allowing me to post this on my blog.

In Peace, Justice and Hope for an End to All War,
Rona

*********************

Dear family and friends,

Yesterday the Prime Minister of Lebanon pleaded with the conscience of the world to bring about an immediate internationally-sanctioned cease-fire, saying that Israel was acting to destroy "everything that allows Lebanon to stay alive".

This morning's New York Times reports that "the death toll has reached at least 230 Lebanese dead [up to 310 by noon today], most of them civilians, and 25 Israeli dead, 13 of them civilians. In Gaza, one Israeli soldier has died from his own army's fire, and 103 Palestinians have been killed."

Yet spokespeople for the Israeli military say their offensive may continue "for weeks" and the Bush administration openly approves.

Yes, there are many complexities to the situation, but the essence of it is quite simple: Israel, with the world's fouth most powerful military, is inflicting massive "collective punishment" on civilian populations - targeting power plants, villages, heavily populated urban neighborhoods and even a Lebanese dairy farm. And the world's sole superpower, in violation of this country's own Arms Export Control Act and Foreign Assistance Act, is supplying jet fuel, financing and political support for these violations of international law and crimes against humanity.

None of this would be possible without the blatant anti-Arab racism that treats Israeli killings of Palestinians and Lebanese as a normal "fact of life" like the day's weather: The sun also riseth; Israeli fire killed a Palestinian child today in the name of "security"; And the sun goeth down.

This is a moral outrage, a political disaster, and an affront to people of conscience of all backgrounds all across the planet. Even in 1623 John Donne wrote: "any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never
send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." With the most modern technology on the globe, Tel Aviv and Washington are taking the world back to the morality of the Middle Ages.

I urge all of you to raise your voice in protest as loudly and strongly as you possibly can.

Below are some possible ways to take action from a message sent out yesterday by the United for Peace and Justice Coalition. There are also a number of websites listed for more background information and analyses of all the complexities. If you would like me to send you particular articles I have found useful in understanding Israel's recent offensive, and how it fits Israel's historical pattern of choosing expansionism, colonizing, and war over peace and a society with equal rights for all, let me know and I will forward these to you.

Thank you. Peace,

Max

---
TAKE ACTION: Hold the Bush Administration to account for its backing of Israel's killing of civilians and destruction of civilian infrastructure in the Gaza Strip and Lebanon.

*Pressure the Bush Administration and Congress: Call the White House (202-456-1111), the U.S. State Department (202-647-4000), and the Congressional switchboard (202-224-3121), which will connect you to your Congressmembers' offices, to demand that the U.S. take immediate action. Organize delegations of peace advocates to Congressional offices. We need to end Bush's war policy in Iraq and in the Middle East.

*Send a letter to the editor at your local newspaper: People in your community need to hear from you. Your neighbors are probably as appalled by this as you are, and they need to see your words in print so they know they are not alone. Click here
to send a letter to the editor at your local paper: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/dbq/media/

*Find a protest in your area.

MORE RESOURCES
* American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee
* Electronic Intifada
* Gush Shalom (Israeli organization)
* Jewish Voice for Peace
* US Campaign to End the Israeli Occupation
* United for Peace and Justice

Saturday, July 15, 2006

What is Hezbollah? Hamas?

These are the questions I fielded as best I could from H. last night, as we watched some grim reports on European news (yay Channel 26!) about the conflict and violence in Israel and Lebanon. It's a confusing, sickening, awful mess. Jan in SanFran gives her two cents here.

And of course, mainstream media coverage in the U.S. is woefully superficial and biased. How about talking to some ordinary, everyday Lebanese people? Or showing images of suffering on both sides of the conflict? I'd given up a long time ago on even the so-called 'liberal' opinion papers being more than propaganda machines for the Pentagon and Department of Defense, but it still makes my stomach turn to see how much of a failure the news media in our 'democracy' is.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Armchair/Laptop Traveler

My nostalgia for Rome and other points European is really just a longing for the carefree adventure of traveling, an activity that many of my fellow blogistas are currently engaged in, and blogging about.

Bino writes from Brazil about race, color, politics and Speedos. Yes, Speedos.

Recently-added bloggers Bumbler and Dwill, also known as Dennis Quirin and Vivian Chang, respectively, have just wrapped up a jaunt in Thailand. Mmm, more warm weather and beaches.

Seemingly-perpetual traveler Martin Perna writes of real desert storms in Mexico. I don't even really know where this guy is from. It seems like every time I check out his blog he is in a different city/state/country/continent.

Leny Strobel is heading off to the Philippines for a study tour. How cool! When I'm done with my gig at CFJ, which won't be for a while, I gotta figure out this getting-paid-to-travel-the-world-for-work thing.

Similarly, my blog-less friend A. is heading off to Italy (Roma!!) for ten days to manage the Savage Jazz Dance Company. Super fresh.

And although this is not really traveling for me, anyway, since I know many people come from out of town and make a beeline to the legendary Cody's Books on Telegraph Avenue in Berkeley, Jeff Chang talks about his friend's effort to stage a last-minute rescue of the beleaguered (and now closed) bibliophilic institution. Nice try, Jeff and Adam.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

More Reasons to Love France: The French World Cup Soccer Team




I'm watching the World Cup Final right now, and although I've heard through friends (including M., a French-Algerian expat who was thrilled when France defeated Brazil last week) about the tournament and its politics, I haven't watched it at all until today. And it wasn't until this past week that I realized how much racism the predominantly Black French team has endured.

It's ironic that my last post was such an ode to Rome, Italy, and how I wrote that I'd still rather live in Paris in racist Rome, given that France is now battling Italy for the World Cup championship title. Ironic, too, that the next European destination I have in my mind for a future trip is Spain (as well as Greece and other Mediterranean countries), given how racist Spanish fans were to the French team.

I'm convinced that Black people in France are going to continue to be a radical force for change (if they can continue to organize themselves) over the next decade or so, probably the one relatively new anti-racist social movement in the world that has been able to garner international attention, similar to the civil rights movement in the U.S. But only time will tell.

So who am I rooting for? Who do ya think? I didn't study French for five years for nothing. Et alors, comment ca veut dire, 'anti-racist' en francais?

Friday, July 07, 2006

Missing Rome, Two Months Later



Maybe it's because my life is so full of work work work right now that I miss Rome so much. Rome was the last stop on our Europe trip back in April. The only city I didn't blog about until now. But the city I think I enjoyed the most. Although I wouldn't live there--Paris would be my first choice, London a distant second, and Roma an even more distant third--I did love Rome.

The pale terra cotta-hued buildings, ancient and not-so-ancient, that seemed to absorb and transform afternoon sunlight into ethereal gold. The sounds of lilting, dipping, singsong Italiano. Stumbling upon the crumbling ruins of the Portico d'Ottavia while on quest to find a discount shoe store, of all things (see the picture above). So much history in one place, I felt I was breathing it in, walking in the footsteps of countless ancients. The warmth in the air on our first day there, so different than the chill winds in London and Paris.

And, of course, the food, so delicious and simply prepared. Quite rustic. A morning cappucino in a white porcelain cup almost the size of a thimble, but so rich and sweet you didn't want or need more. Pastries laced with a cinnamon-like flavor that was distinctly Italian. Pasta everyday, two meals a day. The best prosciutto I've ever eaten, savory but not too salty, never chewy; nothing like it here. Gelato everyday. That was heaven. And of course, everything washed down with mineral water or wine.

I think the reason I miss Rome is that I desperately wish I was on vacation right now. Things with work and the conference are spinning madly, and although I'm learning a lot and generally enjoy both jobs, there are days that I wish I could stop the spinning, just for a little while, and be back in Vatican City eating the best pizza in the world--thin-crusted Roman style square pizza, with a million toppings to choose from; I had broccoli, onion and tomato, and only $3!--then walking through a street market towards St. Peter's, then later topping off the afternoon by eating a wickedly rich and creamy chocolate gelato while sitting at a sidewalk table on some picturesque via.

And although my pictures from the trip (like the ones below--one of me in front of Bernini's famous 'Four Rivers' fountain in the Piazza Navona, the other of the Arch of Septimius Severus) give me some pleasure and comfort, I do wish I could eat a scrumptious, olive-oil drenched carciofo at a restaurant in the Campo de'Fiori right now.

Of course, Rome had its downsides: pretty racist overall, I have to say. H. got followed around in nearly every store we went into, and all the Black and Asian folks (South Asian and African immigrants) that lived there were either selling stuff in the street or working in the back of the restaurant. Never even got served by a waiter who wasn't 'white' Italian (I say 'white' in quotes because Italians are the darkest Europeans I've ever seen; Africa's not far away, after all). Got dissed by an Italian woman working the counter at McDonald's--yes, McDonald's--because I was a 'Cinese' (Chinese/Asian) who didn't speak Italian well. I wanted to yell, 'I'm a fucking American, you idiot!' The only reason she pissed me off so much was because a few days before I'd seen some frat-white-boy American types butcher italian just as much as I did at the same McDonald's, but the cashier just gazed up at them like they were younger clones of Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. As much as I loved Rome, I was glad to leave after that experience.

But a vacation's a vacation, and our vacation in Rome was, overall, quite pleasant and memorable. And that's what I'll have to make do with right now--my memories--until I can make a proper getaway post-August 5th.



Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The True Patriots: Some Post-July-4th Musings

Coincidentally, I had already been contemplating doing a one-day fast tomorrow, and then I found out about this on Democracy Now. I hope some of you will join me.

Yesterday, I got an email from a colleague, who used to be an organizer at Asian Pacific Environmental Network, on whose board I'm currently serving. I thought his email summed up some of my own thoughts about July 4th/Independence Day, especially during this year of intense debate about immigration policy and what the 'real America' is all about.

Enjoy.

"Celebrating the Fourth, Remembering the Past"
by Son-Cheong Kuan

What comes to mind on Fourth of July, our Independence Day? Fireworks? Family vacationing? Outdoor BBQ? Big sales? It's true. Have we heard so many ads using holidays as big sales opportunities? Yes, our holidays have been over-commercialized, not only on July 4th, but also Memorial Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, etc. Have we wondered what the true meaning of our national holiday is?

As we celebrate July 4th, our northern neighbor, Canada, is also celebrating their Independence Day, July 1st, Canadian Day. This year Canadians have something to remember and to celebrate. The Canadian Prime Minister did the historically significant ceremonial action on behalf of Canada of apologizing to thousands and thousands of Chinese-Canadians for imposing the unjust "head tax" on Chinese laborers hundreds years ago.

Like our country, Canada also "imported" thousands of Chinese laborers to build railways across Canada. After they built the railways, they were required to pay the so-called "head tax", and barred from becoming citizens. Haven't we heard similar stories before? But, Canadians have learned their history, and righted the wrong this year.

With the latest debate over immigration reformed, I feel like it's "deju vu" all over again. We "brought" Latinos over to work on the farms. Now we want to bar them from becoming citizens or require them to "pay to play". Have we apologized to African Americans for slavery, Japanese Americans for internment camps, to Chinese Americans for the Chinese Exclusive Act, and many others--Filipino Americans, Vietnamese Americans and Korean Americans? As we claim to be defenders of human rights, haven't we learned from history that we need to make our policies more humane?

Sunday, July 02, 2006

The Pendulum Swing of Life

Yesterday was all about community, celebration, healing, transition. And the pendulum swing between life and death, sadness and joy.

We first went to the memorial services and wake/reception for Dru aka DJ Domino, our young friend who was tragically killed last week in the Mission. What a beautiful outpouring of love and tears. Dru clearly had a strong, loving familia of many many people, blood-related or not. I left feeling uplifted and hopeful that community still exists in many pockets of this world, and that people are truly struggling to love each other the best they can. Siara sang two songs for Dru at the memorial, and many folks got up on the open mic at both the service and the reception to talk about their love for Dru, his obsession with DJ'ing, his irrepressible sense of humor. I think my favorite snippet was when one of his homeboys talked about having a friend in his car who was having a bad day, and then running into Dru on the street. The homeboy's friend didn't want to come out of the car, that's the kind of shit day he was having. Dru said to get him out here, then yelled, 'Pan dulce!' across the street, making the friend laugh and come out the car to chop it up. That was classic Dru.

And before the service the crowds from the funeral home drove through the city, stopping at every spot that was precious to Dru--Coleman Advocates, his families' homes, the clubs he loved DJ'ing at. We didn't drive with the procession but we saw the tail end of it at Embarcadero One, where the reception was being held. Throngs of young brown folks gettin' hyphee in the street, blasting reggaeton (Dru's music) through their car stereos, hangin' out they car windows, dancing, bumpin' and shoutin' for all of Frisco to see.

The community vibe kept on strong at a Lester House party last night, the first I'd been to in many moons, as W. was quick to remind me. 'You never come by anymore,' he chastised, which is his right to do. I been going to the Lester House for parties for 12 years now. It's nice to know there are places I can go and be considered family, to the point that I get called out when I don't come by enough. And I got to meet B.'s mom, who had cooked up a feast with W., complete with red rice, Guamanian-style adobo, beans, etc.

My baby DJ Hen10 got busy on the 1's and 2's, warming up the crowd with some classic hip hop (think late '80s early '90s), funk and soul. J. spun some salsa that H. and I got to groove to. Later, DJ Moreno tore it up with a sick Brazilian batucada set, driving the crowd (including me) into a frenzy. So much shakin' goin' on; whole house was moving. He even got on the mic and sang and chanted, pushing the crowd to go higher, higher. And then he played not just one, but TWO, long-ass merengue songs right after the Brazilian, back to back. I tried to hold out through both, but had to stop dancing after the second song started. I ain't as young as I used to be.

Jumoke and Greg Hodge were at the party, too, it's always good to see them. And I barely recognized their daughter Chinaka Hodge, whom I haven't seen in years. She somehow still recognized me, and is all grown up now (finished colllege, go girl!).

Speaking of pendulum swing, though, Greg told me about the recent, sudden passing of Akiyu Hatano, long-time Oakland schools activist, who had been struggling with a mysterious illness for month. I was shocked and saddened to hear the news, having met Akiyu less than a year ago; she was radiant and healthy. She was our program officer at the Walter and Elise Haas, Sr. Fund, and shared many of our values and visions for public schools. I couldn't believe that another one of our movement warriors had been taken from us so suddenly, and so young. She was only 39 years old.

But, as Greg said last night, "That's why we have to pray, and dance." To which I replied, "Or do both at the same time." Which is what some of my own dancing felt like last night.

I also got to meet some VONA folks, who'd just finished up their first week of workshops. My girl E. came through; it was good to hang out with her for a minute, and soak up their creative energy.

I'm sore and a little tired today (but not hung over, I realized a long time ago that alcohol makes me too tired to really enjoy the dancing), but in a good way. Much love and thanks to all the people that made yesterday happen, and who are spreading the love and good vibes far and wide.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Week From Hell

Okay, Efren, you asked for it. (He gave me the permission I needed to talk shit and not be so goodie-two-shoes on my blog.)

This week was a shit week. Don't get me wrong, it had it's bright spots: two friends loaned me money when I most needed it (and without me having to ask; I have serious issues about money, I've realized; ironic given that I'm a professional fundraiser); we got a few of the big grants we've been waiting on at work (woo-hoo!); my novel is coming along (I'm reading chapter seven right now); and H. and I are both healthy and happy, overall.

But the dark spots overshadowed the bright spots: work has felt like a goddamn smack-down, with four deadlines, one each week, for the past month (this Friday is my last one for a little while, thank Goddess). These deadlines (grant proposals and reports) take a lot out of me, I realize, because I must keep up with all the rest of my work while completing the various steps in the proposal/report process along the way. And there are lots of hoops foundations want us to jump through. Sheesh.

The sudden death of young Dru (see below), was the mid-week low. I'm still reeling, as are others who were even closer to Dru than I was. We had brunch today with two of the amazing people who've been helping his family through this crisis; tried to give them support too. The caretakers need caretakers, y'know?

And then a close friend of mine calls to tell me that he's been laid off, and for some shitty-ass reasons that I can't get into in a public space for fear of reprisals from some powerful people in government. No fucking kidding.

And to top it all off, I was premenstrual, and cranky, and dealing with the fact that my Palm Zire decided to freak out on me and stop working. I realized how dependent I am on that thing; I can barely function without it. It's a psychological and logistical security blanket; unfortunately, there's no way to deal with the situation but get a new PDA, which I really can't afford right now. Timing this week is just frickin' great.

So that was my week. I need to take up meditation again, for real. Ten minutes a day, ten minutes a day. That's my mantra.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Rest in Peace: Andrew "DJ Domino" Ele (1984-2006)


It hit me like a sucker punch to the gut tonite--an email from my friend A. stating that 22-year-old Dru 'DJ Domino' Ele had been shot and killed on 24th and Folsom Sts. last night in Frisco.

Too young to die, I can't stop thinking, too young.

I got to know Dru a little when he was working at YouthSpace and I was on the board, both of us working with other youth and adult allies to try and get a youth-run space opened in San Francisco, a place where young people could come from all over the city and put their beefs aside, have fun, pick up some new skills. Dru must have been about 20 back then. He had started up his DJ career, spending late nights gigging at 18-and-over clubs and youth dances. He always had some funny story or joke to share, and always made me smile and feel welcome.

After YouthSpace folded because of lack of funding, I would see Dru occasionally at events, festivals, parties, like community gatherings at Coleman Advocates, where he had worked with Youth Making a Change. Actually, the first time I met Dru was when I was Executive Director of the Youth Empowerment Center and he was there speaking on a panel about youth organizing as part of a national youth organizers' exchange.

H. and I just saw him a few weeks ago at Carnaval in the Mission. He was handing out flyers for a party that he was DJing, of course, the quintessential young entrepreneur.

I can't believe someone so young is already an ancestor. And I abhor the social and economic conditions that make too-early deaths like Dru's all too common in today's urban environments. But I know that Dru would want us all to keep on movin' forward, fighting the good fight until there ain't no fight left in us no more.

Rest in peace and power, brother Dru. We will miss you.

Donations to help Dru's family during this time are encouraged and can be sent to:
Dru Ele Memorial Fund
Mission Area Federal Credit Union
2940 16th St. - Suite 307
San Francisco, CA 94103
415.431.2268
account #: 7192

Monday, June 19, 2006

Finally! (Big Sigh) Ron Dellums is Mayor!

Yes, it's finally over. Ron Dellums is mayor of Oakland. Damn it feels good to win.

I freaked out a little today when I walked by Ignacio de la Fuente's campaign headquarters (on the ground floor of my office building, ironically--Oakland still has a small-town vibe sometimes) and saw tons of people in there. The place had been empty since the day after the election, as everyone waited with bated breath for the final vote tally. There was a camera crew in Ignacio's headquarters, people were smiling and laughing. My heart sank. I thought for sure this meant Dellums was going to have to face Ignacio in the run-off.

Maybe I'm just used to losing, as a progressive in this far-right-leaning, overly-zealously-Christian country (and keep in mind that France, one of the most Catholic nations in Europe, is far more progressive than we are). I thought as I walked home, 'Damn, we've gotta fight this guy for another four months.'

But I was, thankfully, wrong. Dellums is the big man now. And not a moment too soon.

Another bright spot on Oakland's future-horizon: Aimee Allison--a conscientious objector during the First Gulf War (and married to a Pinoy!) has made it to a run-off race with incumbent Pat Kernighan. A true progressive, Aimee would help even out the moderate-Democrat, pro-developer City Council a bit, and with Ron Dellums in office as mayor the progressive agenda in Oakland could actually move forward.

Ah, sigh. Of relief, happiness, hope, a little trepidation (electing progressive candidates, after all, doesn't change everything). BIG sigh. We've still got a long road ahead of us to create the Oakland that we want and need.

Monday, June 12, 2006

I Must Admit...Blogging's a Bore

At least right now. I find so many blogs that seem utterly self-indulgent to the nth degree, filled with self-important ramblings by self-centered people who somehow attract other self-centered people to validate what I think are utterly boring ideas, concepts, thoughts.

But I guess the fact that I have a blog makes me one of those self-important people?

I spend much of my work life doing things for others--raising money for organizations I care about, that work for the greater good of various 'communities'. And I love my work, don't get me wrong. But this blog is the one public space where I can spout my own f**king opinions, no matter what others think. Don't have to toe the party line, or be 'organizational', or courteous.

But of course, I am all those things. I am what some might call 'politically correct' (a term I abhor because it was actually created and spread by right wing think tanks). I am polite and socially considerate. I don't insult people (well, maybe right wingers, but do they really count? They are SO sensitive!). I don't talk shit about people. And believe me, I can talk shit. In my life outside of blogdom, I can talk massive loads of shit, although my Buddhist training has helped me cut back a bit.

So what fun can blogging be if I'm tiptoeing around so much? But at the same time, do I really want to make enemies in a virtual world that, truth be told, can be so involved with itself that it misses much of what's real and right in life?

Maybe I'll get inspired to blog again after hearing Lakshmi Chaudry speak at the Media Alliance event. The name of the event does intrigue me. And it's been a while since I chilled with the good folks at MA.

We'll see. Maybe I need to loosen up, stop being so prim and proper and prissy on my blog. Maybe I need to start talking shit.

Or maybe I need to stop blogging. We'll see.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The Insanity of Our World

I am outraged and saddened by the news that Lashaun Harris, a 23-year-old mother who killed her three small children after being 'instructed' by a voice of God to do so, is going to trial and may life in prison for the crime of being a mentally ill person. Even the county psychiatrist diagnosed Lashaun with schizophrenia, but the supposedly 'social justice'-minded San Francisco District Attorney, Kamala Harris, decided to try the woman anyway.

Does the fact that Lashaun Harris is a poor, African-American mother have anything to do with the trial? Does the fact that mentally ill people can often not gain access to the services that they need because they either do not have the money to access them or the services are not available have anything to do with this? I would answer yes and yes.

Like the death of Andrew Martinez, the 'Naked Guy' from my Cal Berkeley days, that I wrote of below, this tragedy is both a personal one for Lashuan, her poor children, and their family, but also a societal tragedy. For how could it be nothing short of a tragedy when the mentally ill--whom our country has decided to cast away while we prioritize our tax dollars for 'important' things like bombing Third World countries and subsidizing corrupt corporatation--are still held responsible for their actions in the same way that mentally healthy people are.

Ironic, then, that today I look forward to celebrating the 2nd birthday of a friend's adopted child, a little African-American girl with the bright, shining eyes that only children have, and a fire and wit in her demeanor that promises many more bright things in the future. This, then, is the paradox of the world we live in. And it reminds me that it's only the beautiful, light-filled things that make the darkness bearable.